Technology and relationships: IELTS Task 2 essay #9, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
253 words. Marked by Axiom on 30 April 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2253 words
Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
While some people argue that this development offers more convenience, in my opinion it has detrimental effects on social bonds, since it is one of the most important factors in our life.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe question of contemporary communication technology having adverse effects on social relationships has long been a topic of debate.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and more natural.
Ultimately, this deprives face-to-face interactions, thanks to the advancements in communication technologies.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedProponents of modern communication devices often highlight the advantage of overcoming geographical barriers.
The revised sentence is more coherent and clearly conveys the idea that the advantage of overcoming geographical barriers is a key point made by proponents of modern communication devices.
Lexical resource
RevisedSimply put, it is now widely acknowledged that with the use of telephones or mobile gadgets, we can easily communicate with distant relatives or friends.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses more precise language to convey the same idea.
Lexical resource
RevisedHowever, this may seem like a positive development that provides uninterrupted communication, but it is often said that such 'chatting with loved ones from a distance' can be a silent killer of social bonds.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses more precise language to convey the same idea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedWhen individuals have daily online communications with friends and family, the need for visiting them, coupled with a sense of missing, declines.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the same idea in a more clear and concise manner.
Paradoxically, people feel isolated when using modern communication devices, and chat with loved ones, albeit every day. This is because electronics cannot provide the sense of human’s presence and empathy.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThe negatives of this trend extend beyond face-to-face relationships to include increased social isolation.
The revised sentence is more coherent and clearly conveys the idea that the increase in social isolation is a significant negative effect of modern communication technology.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs a result, not only does online communication shift emotional strain, but it may also contribute to the increase of depression.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and more natural.
Lexical resource
RevisedTherefore, it is essential to prioritize real-life interactions more often.
The revised sentence is more precise and conveys the same idea more clearly.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, although modern communication tools can overcome distance barriers, the drawbacks, especially reduced face-to-face interactions and social isolation, are far more concerning.
The revised sentence is more coherent and clearly conveys the idea that the drawbacks of modern communication technology are more concerning than its ability to overcome distance barriers.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the arguments presented in the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedProponents of modern communication devices often highlight the advantage of overcoming geographical barriers.
The revised sentence is more coherent and clearly conveys the idea that the advantage of overcoming geographical barriers is a key point made by proponents of modern communication devices.
RevisedThe negatives of this trend extend beyond face-to-face relationships to include increased social isolation.
The revised sentence is more coherent and clearly conveys the idea that the increase in social isolation is a significant negative effect of modern communication technology.
RevisedIn conclusion, although modern communication tools can overcome distance barriers, the drawbacks, especially reduced face-to-face interactions and social isolation, are far more concerning.
The revised sentence is more coherent and clearly conveys the idea that the drawbacks of modern communication technology are more concerning than its ability to overcome distance barriers.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest to the writing. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe question of contemporary communication technology having adverse effects on social relationships has long been a topic of debate.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and more natural.
RevisedWhen individuals have daily online communications with friends and family, the need for visiting them, coupled with a sense of missing, declines.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and conveys the same idea in a more clear and concise manner.
RevisedAs a result, not only does online communication shift emotional strain, but it may also contribute to the increase of depression.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and more natural.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSimply put, it is now widely acknowledged that with the use of telephones or mobile gadgets, we can easily communicate with distant relatives or friends.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses more precise language to convey the same idea.
RevisedHowever, this may seem like a positive development that provides uninterrupted communication, but it is often said that such 'chatting with loved ones from a distance' can be a silent killer of social bonds.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses more precise language to convey the same idea.
RevisedTherefore, it is essential to prioritize real-life interactions more often.
The revised sentence is more precise and conveys the same idea more clearly.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the negative effects of modern communication technology on social relationships. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the topic. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single idea.
Check your own essay on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 2 checker works.
Check an essay free