Technology and relationships: IELTS Task 2 essay #16, band 6.5

There is a view that modern gadgets affect people’s social relationships when they rely on communication. While I admit the negative sides of using modern devices for communication, I disagree with this view.

One downside of moder technologies on relationships is that they may decrease face-to-face communication. Being glued to phones, spending hours without realizing how time flow, being addicted to cutting-edge devices such as laptops and tablets may make people ignore their loved ones around them, undermining their social bonds with people. In Uzbekistan, for example, people, especially young generation spend their much time scrolling through social media and communicating with their peers online on their gadgets, neglecting the importance of peer and family relationships.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOne downside of modern technologies on relationships is that they may decrease face-to-face communication.

   The word 'modern' was misspelled as 'moder'.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedBeing glued to phones, spending hours without realizing how time flies, and being addicted to cutting-edge devices such as laptops and tablets may make people ignore their loved ones around them, undermining their social bonds.

   The revised sentence is more idiomatic and uses the correct phrase 'time flies' instead of 'time flow'.

3. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn Uzbekistan, for example, people, especially the younger generation, spend a lot of time scrolling through social media and communicating with their peers online on their gadgets, neglecting the importance of face-to-face interactions with peers and family.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct example of the phenomenon being discussed.

I, however, believe that the benefits of using cutting-edge technologies to social relationships are more significant. Using modern technologies can improve communication, bring people together, and enable them to stay in touch with other people, improving their social bonds and their lifestyle. In Germany, for instance, using modern gadgets such phone and a laptop when it comes to communicating has become an integral part of society. This allows them brake geographical barriers regardless of distances, making communication more accessible and easier.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedHowever, I believe that the benefits of using cutting-edge technologies for social relationships are more significant.

   The revised sentence is more concise and clear.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIn Germany, for instance, using modern gadgets such as phones and laptops for communication has become an integral part of society.

   The revised sentence is more natural and concise.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis allows them break down geographical barriers, regardless of distance, making communication more accessible and easier.

   The revised sentence is more accurate and uses the correct verb form.

In conclusion, while I acknowledge the disadvantages of modern devices for communication such as being addicted to screen and ignoring the significance of spending time with their loved ones, I believe that benefits of cutting-edge devices are more significant. Using them can bring people together, allow them stay in touch, thereby strengthen their bonds.