Technology and relationships: IELTS Task 2 essay #14, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
333 words. Marked by Axiom on 8 November 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2333 words
Some people think that modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
With the advancement of technology and widespread availability electronic devices, it has become increasingly common for individuals to stay connected with relationships, while certain people think that it can cause detrimental effects.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAlthough electronic communication can present certain issues in healthcare, I believe that technology can help people enhance productivity and strengthen relationships.
The phrase 'communicating by electronics attract some exact problems in healthcare' is not idiomatic and should be 'electronic communication can present certain issues in healthcare'. The phrase 'enhancing productivity and also bonds' is a bit awkward and should be 'enhance productivity and strengthen relationships'.
But, chatting with the help of gadgets getting more common, as it can assist people to deal with their works or responsibilities like meetings or conferences in the business sphere, where for individuals only need one call. Furthermore, the distant learning become more common, students just need devices and internet connection, they don`t need to attend courses far from their accomodations.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the one hand, contemporary communication can help people improve their productivity.
The phrase 'on the one one hand' is not idiomatic and should be 'on the one hand'.
Lexical resource
RevisedGone are the days when people only relied on face-to-face interactions; in other words, they used to go to someone`s home for a meeting or, for instance, for teaching.
The phrase 'physical stats' is not clear and should be replaced with 'face-to-face interactions'. The phrase 'they used to went someone`s home' is not grammatically correct and should be 'they used to go to someone`s home'.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs a result, electronic tools can help people prevent numerous problems in their work or study.
The phrase 'with the help of electronic tools people can prevent so many problems' is a bit awkward and can be simplified.
Since, parents can`t communicate with them or stay tuned about their education which can also negatively effect on the children`s future life.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, strengthening bonds in relationships can be a major reason.
The phrase 'strengthen bonds in the relationship' is not idiomatic and should be 'strengthening bonds in relationships'.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn today`s world, while more and more parents want their children to study overseas due to the quality of education, they often feel anxious about it.
The sentence is a bit awkward and the phrase 'but they rarely do this' is not clear. The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedHowever, with the globalization of technologies, people can stay informed and educated about their children in other countries, and provide support both financially and emotionally.
The sentence is a bit awkward and the meaning is not clear. The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn conclusion, devices make our lives easier and help people strengthen their bonds with relatives who are far away.
The sentence is a bit awkward and the phrase 'make our lifes' is not grammatically correct. The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
To sum up, there are some issues that can be appeared from the modern communication, but I think that the benefits like improvement in productivity and strength bonds obviously outweigh their cons sights.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the flow of ideas and the use of linking words. The essay is structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each side of the argument, and a conclusion. However, the use of linking words and cohesive devices could be improved to better guide the reader through your argument. Additionally, the transition between the first and second paragraphs of the body could be made smoother to more clearly distinguish between the two points of view presented.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words and cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the one hand, contemporary communication can help people improve their productivity.
The phrase 'on the one one hand' is not idiomatic and should be 'on the one hand'.
RevisedOn the other hand, strengthening bonds in relationships can be a major reason.
The phrase 'strengthen bonds in the relationship' is not idiomatic and should be 'strengthening bonds in relationships'.
RevisedTo sum up, while there are some issues that can arise from modern communication, I believe that the benefits, such as improvements in productivity and stronger bonds, clearly outweigh the drawbacks.
The sentence is a bit awkward and the phrase 'clearly outweigh their cons sights' is not idiomatic. The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. Your essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that could be refined for clarity and accuracy. For example, "communating" should be "communicating," and "as it can assist people to deal with their works or responsibilities" could be streamlined for clarity.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAlthough electronic communication can present certain issues in healthcare, I believe that technology can help people enhance productivity and strengthen relationships.
The phrase 'communicating by electronics attract some exact problems in healthcare' is not idiomatic and should be 'electronic communication can present certain issues in healthcare'. The phrase 'enhancing productivity and also bonds' is a bit awkward and should be 'enhance productivity and strengthen relationships'.
RevisedIn today`s world, while more and more parents want their children to study overseas due to the quality of education, they often feel anxious about it.
The sentence is a bit awkward and the phrase 'but they rarely do this' is not clear. The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
RevisedHowever, with the globalization of technologies, people can stay informed and educated about their children in other countries, and provide support both financially and emotionally.
The sentence is a bit awkward and the meaning is not clear. The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. You use a variety of vocabulary related to communication and technology, which is effective in demonstrating your range. However, be cautious of word choice to ensure clarity and accuracy. For example, "contemporary communating" should be "contemporary communicating," and "as it can assist people to deal with their works or responsibilities" could be rephrased for smoother readability.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedGone are the days when people only relied on face-to-face interactions; in other words, they used to go to someone`s home for a meeting or, for instance, for teaching.
The phrase 'physical stats' is not clear and should be replaced with 'face-to-face interactions'. The phrase 'they used to went someone`s home' is not grammatically correct and should be 'they used to go to someone`s home'.
RevisedAs a result, electronic tools can help people prevent numerous problems in their work or study.
The phrase 'with the help of electronic tools people can prevent so many problems' is a bit awkward and can be simplified.
RevisedIn conclusion, devices make our lives easier and help people strengthen their bonds with relatives who are far away.
The sentence is a bit awkward and the phrase 'make our lifes' is not grammatically correct. The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. You have addressed the task by presenting a clear position that technology has both positive and negative effects on social relationships. Your introduction and conclusion effectively encapsulate your stance. However, the body paragraphs could be further developed with more specific examples and a deeper analysis of each point. Additionally, the use of more varied transitional phrases could help in clearly connecting your ideas.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Provide a deeper analysis of each point in your argument.
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