Technology and relationships: IELTS Task 2 essay #18, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
297 words. Marked by Axiom on 24 June 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2297 words
Some people think that modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
While some individuals argue in favor, I strongly oppose this notion.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSome people believe that modern communication technology has a negative effect on social relationships.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and provides a more natural-sounding expression of the idea.
So, online connectivity is a way of protecting people from issues related to mental health. For example, person without any relationships in real life can find a person with the same interests via communication technology such as phone or computer, improving overall self conditions.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedDigital communication can serve as a simple way of alleviating loneliness for many people.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSocial isolation can be mitigated by using specific programs or even video games, which can facilitate communication with people from all over the world.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.
Nevertheless, this tendency may have some adverse effects on society. Then, person becomes fully isolated and depends only on online communications without real emotional bonds.
Lexical resource
RevisedAs dependence on technology increases, the level of face-to-face interactions decreases among people in modern society.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and accurate expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
RevisedSocial relationships are based on real-life interactions, which cannot be replaced by online communication. This can lead to a lack of emotional bonds with others.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and accurate expression of the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFor instance, when a person spends all their free time using electronic devices, they initially start to lose connections with people in their real life.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.
People are starting to ignore own relatives, albeit they are always near them even at the same house, just sitting at own bedroom and spending time online. For example, when arriving at home person immediately goes to own room, which leads to lack of contact with family members, negatively influencing whole society.
Lexical resource
RevisedFurthermore, family relationships are deteriorating due to the advancement of digital technologies.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and accurate expression of the idea.
In conclusion, although digital technologies can be an easy way of getting rid of loneliness for some people, it negatively affects on people`s relationships within their families and makes them dependent on technologies.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance on the topic.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedDigital communication can serve as a simple way of alleviating loneliness for many people.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.
RevisedSocial isolation can be mitigated by using specific programs or even video games, which can facilitate communication with people from all over the world.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.
RevisedFor instance, when a person spends all their free time using electronic devices, they initially start to lose connections with people in their real life.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and formal expression of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of complex grammatical structures with a fair degree of accuracy. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSome people believe that modern communication technology has a negative effect on social relationships.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and provides a more natural-sounding expression of the idea.
RevisedSocial relationships are based on real-life interactions, which cannot be replaced by online communication, thus people can face consequences in the form of emotional bonds being lacking.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and provides a more natural-sounding expression of the idea.
RevisedJust sitting in their own bedroom and spending time online.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and provides a more natural-sounding expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAs dependence on technology increases, the level of face-to-face interactions decreases among people in modern society.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and accurate expression of the idea.
RevisedSocial relationships are based on real-life interactions, which cannot be replaced by online communication. This can lead to a lack of emotional bonds with others.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and accurate expression of the idea.
RevisedFurthermore, family relationships are deteriorating due to the advancement of digital technologies.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and accurate expression of the idea.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the positive and negative effects of modern communication technology on social relationships. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance on the topic.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and support them with specific examples.
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