Technology and relationships: IELTS Task 2 essay #8, band 6.5

Some people think that modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships.

People have different opinions about modern communication technology, with some arguing that some of them think modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships.

Those who agree with this view cite multiple reasons to justify their position. The main one is less face to face interaction. When individuals spend their large amount of time on social networks, they might begin to prioritize virtual connection over real-life interaction, which eventually leads to emotional distance with their families and friends. This is primarily because, the majority of people's jobs correlated on social networking, as a result they spend less time with their loved ones. A case in point is my country, Uzbekistan, where people spend their large amount of time on social media, which doesn't let them spend more time with their family or friends. if people spent the majority of time on social media, they would make new friends on social media. This goes to show a negative effect of modern technology on social relationships.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedThose who agree with this view have multiple reasons to justify their position.

   The revised sentence is grammatically more accurate.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThe main reason is the decrease in face-to-face interaction.

   The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and collocation.

3. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThis is primarily because, as a result of the majority of people's jobs being correlated with social networking, they spend less time with their loved ones.

   The sentence is revised to improve the use of cohesive devices and make the connection between ideas more explicit.

4. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedFor example, in my country, Uzbekistan, people spend a lot of time on social media, which limits their time spent with family and friends.

   The revised sentence is grammatically more accurate and concise.

5. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis demonstrates the negative impact of modern technology on social relationships.

   The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and collocation.

Despite the reality, i would argue that there is no negative effect of modern technology on social relationships. The main one is that it is an easy way to distance communication everywhere. When people are far from each other, they have access to communicate on social networks, which eventually leads to stronger bonds and helps maintain their relationships despite the distance. This is primarily because online platforms allow video calls, chatting and voice messages, which can let people have access for communication with relatives despite the distance. A case in point is my country, Uzbekistan, where people who work in the foreign countries, can communicate with their friends or family members from WhatsApp, Telegram and also Instagram, this platform includes everything which they need for communication. However modern technology allows people to stay connected over long distances, it can also reduce the quality of those physically present. This does show, how modern technology can allow people to communicate with their friends or family members over the long distance.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedDespite this reality, I would argue that modern technology does not have a negative effect on social relationships.

   The sentence is revised to improve the use of cohesive devices and the connection between ideas.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedHowever, modern technology, while allowing people to stay connected over long distances, can also reduce the quality of interactions with those physically present.

   The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and collocation.

3. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThis demonstrates how modern technology can enable people to communicate with their friends or family members over long distances.

   The sentence is revised to improve the use of cohesive devices and the formality of the language.

In conclusion, true, the development of modern communication technology does not have any kind of negative effect on social relationships. I strongly believe that it can enhance our relationship between family members and friends.