Technology and relationships: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 7.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

311 words. Marked by Axiom on 11 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

Task 2311 words

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is a claim that social relationships are negatively influenced by the communication technology. While this idea has several benefits, personally, I agree with this opinion because we can notice that the disadvantages of this alternation outweigh the advantages.

Nonetheless, thanks to the new communication technologies, our social life became better than ever. This is due to new features of these technologies, which enable us to communicate with others despite the distance we have. For instance, people can download one of the social apps in order to chat with each other, and it's the best alternative to letters or face-to-face meetings, which is considered time-consuming. Apart from this, online apps like Instagram and LinkedIn can serve for networking, where we can easily find new people and make friends. Therefore, these sorts of technologies can save our time and reduce the distance.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedNonetheless, the introduction of new communication technologies has significantly improved our social life.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection to the previous point and uses more formal language.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedThis is due to the features of these technologies, which enable us to communicate with others over long distances.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more accurate language to convey the same idea.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedFor instance, people can use social apps as a convenient alternative to letters or face-to-face meetings, which are often time-consuming.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more accurate language to convey the same idea.

However, we can witness that these modern technologies badly influence our real-life relationships. I think it is because we are used to having conversations via video calls rather than discussing them face-to-face, which caused several consequences. Firstly, we cannot sense the feelings via online chat and are not able to keep eye contact, which is one of the most significant factors while socialising. As a result, we lost emotions and enthusiasm to have some talk to each other. In other words, we are not able to empathise with other people's feelings. In addition, face-to-face meetings were far better to express our thoughts and feelings, which means these meetings can bring us closer to each other and foster our closeness.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedHowever, it is evident that these modern technologies have a negative impact on our real-life relationships.
The revised sentence provides a clearer contrast to the previous point and uses more formal language.
Grammar & accuracy
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RevisedAs a result, we have lost the ability to feel emotions and enthusiasm during conversations.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and the incorrect use of the infinitive.
Lexical resource
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RevisedAdditionally, face-to-face meetings, which allow for the expression of thoughts and feelings, have been shown to foster closer relationships.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more accurate language to convey the same idea.

In conclusion, while the modern communication technologies, such as online apps and video calls, can save our time and connect us regardless of the distance, their drawbacks outweigh the benefits. For instance, we cannot express our feelings or thoughts clearly through social media. Thus, I completely agree with the later opinion.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn conclusion, while modern communication technologies, such as online apps and video calls, can save us time and connect us across distances, the drawbacks of these technologies outweigh the benefits.
The revised sentence provides a clearer contrast to the previous points and uses more formal language.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedThus, I completely agree with the latter opinion.
The revised sentence corrects the incorrect use of the term 'later'.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions

Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedNonetheless, the introduction of new communication technologies has significantly improved our social life.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection to the previous point and uses more formal language.
RevisedHowever, it is evident that these modern technologies have a negative impact on our real-life relationships.
The revised sentence provides a clearer contrast to the previous point and uses more formal language.
RevisedIn conclusion, while modern communication technologies, such as online apps and video calls, can save us time and connect us across distances, the drawbacks of these technologies outweigh the benefits.
The revised sentence provides a clearer contrast to the previous points and uses more formal language.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedIt is often argued that social relationships are negatively influenced by communication technology.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and the incorrect use of the definite article.
RevisedAs a result, we have lost the ability to feel emotions and enthusiasm during conversations.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and the incorrect use of the infinitive.
RevisedThus, I completely agree with the latter opinion.
The revised sentence corrects the incorrect use of the term 'later'.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThis is due to the features of these technologies, which enable us to communicate with others over long distances.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more accurate language to convey the same idea.
RevisedFor instance, people can use social apps as a convenient alternative to letters or face-to-face meetings, which are often time-consuming.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more accurate language to convey the same idea.
RevisedAdditionally, face-to-face meetings, which allow for the expression of thoughts and feelings, have been shown to foster closer relationships.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more accurate language to convey the same idea.

Task response

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be improved to better introduce the topic and the writer's position.

Suggestions

Consider rephrasing the introduction to provide a clearer background to the topic and the writer's position.

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