Technology and relationships: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 4.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
255 words. Marked by Axiom on 26 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2255 words
Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Muborakxon
first of all sometimes modern technology has effects in a positive way on social relationship Some people think the modern communication technologies help people to communicate with strong strange people who start talking each other in the social media live in another country for example someone is chatting with the person who lives in far or another country on the other hand some individual beings think that modern technology is threatening our relationship And also if robbery does this with banker or good people later they can't believe other people in summary many people believe that modern communication technology is having effect in a negative way on social relationship however sometime it has positive effect therefore I am partly agree with those opinions
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAs we enter the 21st century, some people believe that modern communication technology, such as phones, laptops, and computers, has a negative effect on social relationships. While I acknowledge some of these concerns, I believe that technology can also have positive effects, thus I am partly in agreement with this perspective.
The sentence can be revised to improve clarity and coherence.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne reason is that modern technology allows people to connect with others who are far away, despite being busy with work. For instance, I communicate with my grandparents who live in the countryside.
The sentence is revised to remove redundancy and improve clarity.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThere are several reasons why people are concerned about the negative effects of modern communication technology on social relationships. One reason is that people may be influenced by others who they interact with online, potentially leading to financial exploitation. For example, a banker might chat with someone who is more easily influenced, and as a result, the banker might end up losing money.
The sentence is revised to improve clarity and coherence.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 4.0/ 9
The essay is somewhat logically organized, but the flow of ideas is disrupted by unclear connections and repetitive content. The use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or overly repetitive, contributing to a disjointed reading experience.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Avoid repetition of the same phrases or ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support that idea.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAs we enter the 21st century, some people believe that modern communication technology, such as phones, laptops, and computers, has a negative effect on social relationships. While I acknowledge some of these concerns, I believe that technology can also have positive effects, thus I am partly in agreement with this perspective.
The sentence can be revised to improve clarity and coherence.
RevisedOne reason is that modern technology allows people to connect with others who are far away, despite being busy with work. For instance, I communicate with my grandparents who live in the countryside.
The sentence is revised to remove redundancy and improve clarity.
RevisedThere are several reasons why people are concerned about the negative effects of modern communication technology on social relationships. One reason is that people may be influenced by others who they interact with online, potentially leading to financial exploitation. For example, a banker might chat with someone who is more easily influenced, and as a result, the banker might end up losing money.
The sentence is revised to improve clarity and coherence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors that can cause confusion. For example, "people who can talk each other live in far countrwe're busy with work" is grammatically incorrect and unclear.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAs we enter the 21st century, some people believe that modern communication technology, such as phones, laptops, and computers, negatively affects social relationships.
The revision corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity of the sentence.
RevisedOne reason is that people can communicate with others who live far away, even though they are busy with work. For instance, I can talk to my grandparents who live in the countryside.
The revision corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity of the sentence.
RevisedThere are several reasons why people are concerned about the negative effects of modern communication technology on social relationships. One reason is that people may be influenced by others they interact with online, potentially leading to financial exploitation. For example, a banker might chat with someone who is more easily influenced, and as a result, the banker might end up losing money.
The revision corrects the grammatical errors and improves the clarity of the sentence.
Lexical resource
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases. The essay attempts to use a range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases. Some words are used incorrectly, which can cause confusion. There are also some issues with word choice and collocation.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAs we enter the 21st century, some people believe that modern communication technology, such as smartphones and laptops, negatively impacts social relationships.
The revision improves the accuracy and clarity of the sentence.
RevisedDespite living in remote areas and being busy with work, my grandparents and I are able to stay connected through modern communication technology.
The revision improves the accuracy and clarity of the sentence.
RevisedThere are several reasons why people are concerned about the negative effects of modern communication technology on social relationships. One reason is that people may be influenced by others they interact with online, potentially leading to financial exploitation. For example, a banker might chat with someone who is more easily influenced, and as a result, the banker might end up losing money.
The revision improves the accuracy and clarity of the sentence.
Task response
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument is not fully developed, and the essay sometimes strays from the main topic. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both the positive and negative effects of modern communication technology on social relationships. However, the argument is not fully developed, and the essay sometimes strays from the main topic.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support that idea.
- Avoid repetition of the same ideas or examples.
- Make sure to clearly state your position in the introduction and maintain it throughout the essay.
Check your own essay on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 2 checker works.
Check an essay free