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Technology and relationships: IELTS Task 2 essay #4, band 4.5

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

201 words. Marked by Axiom on 26 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

Task 2201 words

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Ruxshona

Some individuals believe that now social relationships are being held on modern communication technology which has negative effects I partly agree to this statement coming to the 21st century most people haven't extra time to meeting and hanging out with each other this is why they prefer to socialize through internet even appointments which is between 2 countries is held by internet and it also reduces long ways and helps save money

  1. Coherence & cohesion

    RevisedIt is evident that modern technology has become an integral part of our lives, even for the young who communicate via the internet. This can have significantly negative effects, such as health issues (e.g., eye pain) and relationship challenges. Furthermore, modern communication can hinder in-person interactions, which are essential for building strong relationships.

    The sentence was long and confusing. Breaking it up and simplifying the language can improve clarity and coherence.

  2. Grammar & accuracy

    RevisedIn conclusion, communicating via the internet has both pros and cons. On the positive side, it reduces distances, while on the negative side, it can lead to various health issues and relationship challenges.

    The revised sentence is grammatically correct and clearer in meaning.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 4.0/ 9

The essay is somewhat organized, but the flow of ideas is not entirely clear. The connection between some sentences and ideas is weak, making it difficult to follow the argument. There is some use of cohesive devices, but they are not always employed effectively, leading to a lack of clarity in some parts of the essay.

Suggestions

  • Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
  • Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.

Sentence revisions 1

  • RevisedIt is evident that modern technology has become an integral part of our lives, even for the young who communicate via the internet. This can have significantly negative effects, such as health issues (e.g., eye pain) and relationship challenges. Furthermore, modern communication can hinder in-person interactions, which are essential for building strong relationships.

    The sentence was long and confusing. Breaking it up and simplifying the language can improve clarity and coherence.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay attempts to use a range of grammatical structures, but there are numerous errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence structure. Some sentences are incomplete or poorly structured, which affects the overall clarity and readability of the essay. Punctuation errors are also present, further detracting from the grammatical accuracy.

Sentence revisions 2

  • RevisedIt is clear that modern technology has become a vital part of our lives, even for the young who communicate via the internet. This can have significantly negative effects, such as health issues like eye pain, which are often observed in young children

    The revised sentence corrects the grammar and sentence structure, making the meaning clearer.

  • RevisedIn conclusion, communicating via the internet has both pros and cons. On the positive side, it reduces distances, while on the negative side, it can lead to various health issues and relationship challenges.

    The revised sentence is grammatically correct and clearer in meaning.

Lexical resource

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with many words and phrases being repeated. There are some attempts to use synonyms, but these are not always effective, leading to a lack of variety in the language. Some words are used incorrectly, further detracting from the overall quality of the writing.

Sentence revisions 1

  • RevisedIt is evident that modern technology has become an integral part of our lives, even for the young who communicate via the internet. This can have significant negative effects, such as health issues (e.g., eye pain)

    The revised sentence is more concise and uses 'integral' and 'significant' appropriately, improving the range of vocabulary used.

Task response

Band 5.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task and presents a position, but the argument is not always clear or well-developed. The essay provides some examples to support the arguments, but these are not always relevant or well-explained. The conclusion is somewhat repetitive and does not effectively summarize the key points discussed.

Suggestions

  • Ensure that your position is clear throughout the essay and that you consistently address all parts of the task.
  • Provide specific, relevant examples to support your arguments and ensure that these are well-explained.

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