Technology and relationships: IELTS Task 2 essay #5, band 4.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
215 words. Marked by Axiom on 26 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2215 words
Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Mushtariy
Coming to technology dominated century socializing with each other by modern technologies causing negative impacts especially on social relationships through modern communication technologies offer numerous benefits in communicating I am completely agree with the given statement for some reasons to begin with it's advantages I believe that socializing by modern technologies is the best way for individuals to communicate with love at once who live for away on the other hand there are also multiple downsides to the statement and if someone keep communicating by technologies leading to serious problems as an example it can disappear communicating Shields in a real life in turn whenever someone needs to go meetings conferences as well as all other social gatherings people might hesitate to Express what they are going to say due to Socializing by modern technologies in conclusion though communicating by modernized technology helps in a way that can remove geographical barriers when socializing with people who live far away as it is mentioned earlier
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFor example, these technologies remove geographical barriers, allowing people to communicate with others living in different countries without any inconvenience.
The revised sentence is more coherent and concise.
Lexical resource
RevisedI firmly believe it leads to many problems, such as reduced face-to-face communication and hesitation in important gatherings.
The revised sentence uses more accurate vocabulary and is more concise.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 4.0/ 9
The essay is difficult to follow due to a lack of clear organization and numerous run-on sentences. Information and ideas are evident but not arranged coherently and there is no clear progression within the response. The essay includes some basic cohesive devices, but these are often used incorrectly or are repetitive. There is little to no use of paragraphing, which affects the overall structure of the essay.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately to show clear relationships between ideas.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and supporting details.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn the current age dominated by technology, socializing through modern communication technologies is believed to have negative impacts, especially on social relationships. However, these technologies also offer numerous benefits.
The sentence was revised to improve clarity and coherence.
RevisedFor example, these technologies remove geographical barriers, allowing people to communicate with others living in different countries without any inconvenience.
The revised sentence is more coherent and concise.
RevisedIn conclusion, while modern communication technology helps remove geographical barriers and facilitates communication with people living far away,
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise conclusion.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 4.0/ 9
The essay uses a very limited range of grammatical structures. Simple sentences are used correctly, but there are numerous errors with complex structures. Punctuation is often faulty or missing, affecting the clarity of the response. The essay generally uses grammatical structures accurately, but there are some errors in the use of articles, prepositions, and verb forms. These errors occasionally make it difficult to understand the intended meaning.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedModern communication technologies offer numerous benefits for communication.
The revised sentence corrects the preposition usage.
RevisedIf someone lives in another country, people are able to communicate with them without any inconvenience.
The revised sentence corrects the word choice and removes the redundancy.
RevisedAs mentioned earlier
The revised sentence is more concise and removes redundancy.
Lexical resource
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary and there are numerous inaccuracies in word choice and spelling. The essay demonstrates a limited command of a range of vocabulary; however, there are frequent inaccuracies in word choice and spelling. Some words and phrases are repeated multiple times. The essay rarely uses less common, idiomatic, or topic-specific vocabulary.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedInteracting with others through modern technologies can lead to negative impacts
The revised sentence uses more appropriate vocabulary to convey the same meaning.
RevisedIt can diminish face-to-face communication, and as a result, people may hesitate to express themselves in meetings, conferences, and other social gatherings.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more accurate vocabulary.
RevisedI firmly believe it leads to many problems, such as reduced face-to-face communication and hesitation in important gatherings.
The revised sentence uses more accurate vocabulary and is more concise.
Task response
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task only partially and presents a somewhat unclear position throughout the response. Some main ideas are presented, but these are not clearly expressed, and there is no supporting detail. The essay occasionally repeats the same ideas. The conclusion does not clearly summarize the points made in the essay or restate the position.
Suggestions
- Ensure you fully develop your arguments and provide clear supporting details.
- Avoid repetition of the same ideas. Try to present new points or perspectives.
- Make your conclusion more comprehensive by clearly restating your position and summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.
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