Technology and relationships: IELTS Task 2 essay #11, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
317 words. Marked by Axiom on 10 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2317 words
Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the modern life, It is now very easy to talk with someone even if they are far away. But many people believe that this new way of communication is bad for social relationships. I also agree with this idea.
Grammar & accuracy
Revisedpeople use smartphones, social media, and other apps every day to connect with each other.
The verb form after 'people' should be simple present. The preposition 'for' is not needed in this context.
This is not same like talking in real life. For example, chatting on WhatsApp or Facebook do not give the same feeling like spending time together in person.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFirstly, people today may have many friends online, but these are often not real close friends.
The use of 'having' is not appropriate in this context. 'May have' or 'are often' would be more suitable.
Lexical resource
RevisedThey merely like each other’s photos or write brief comments.
The word 'only' can be replaced with 'merely' to sound more formal. The word 'short' is replaced with 'brief' which is more suitable in this context.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedWhen people speak face to face, they express emotions, body language, and understanding are enhanced.
The sentence structure can be improved for better clarity and accuracy.
Lexical resource
RevisedHowever, with text messages, it is not possible to sense the other person's emotions.
The word 'But' at the beginning of the sentence is quite informal and can be replaced with 'However'.
They just text or send voice note. Young people who grow up with internet feel shy or nervous when they need to talk in front of others. In school or job, this can be big problem. They do not know how to speak clearly or keep eye contact.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFurthermore, people are not improving their speaking or listening skills.
The phrase 'Another point is that' can be replaced with 'Furthermore' for better coherence.
Also, traditional way of meeting helped people to be more discipline. Before, if you want to meet someone, you had to plan, dress nice and go somewhere on time. Now, people just send message or video call in any situation. For example, remote workers often don’t follow routine.
Lexical resource
RevisedThey may feel lethargic or isolated, which can negatively impact their work and friendships with coworkers.
The words 'lazy', 'alone' are replaced with 'lethargic', 'isolated' to provide a more formal tone and enhance vocabulary.
People should try to not forget the value of real meetings and face-to-face talks, because that is how strong relationships are build.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while modern technology may fasten communication and simplify processes, it also presents challenges for human relationships.
The phrase 'bring problems for' can be replaced with 'presents challenges for' to convey the idea more clearly.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIt weakens connections, diminishes real-life skills, and erodes important habits such as planning and respect.
The verbs in the list should be in the same form. 'reduce' is changed to 'erodes' to maintain consistency.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some issues with the flow of ideas and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFirstly, people today may have many friends online, but these are often not real close friends.
The use of 'having' is not appropriate in this context. 'May have' or 'are often' would be more suitable.
RevisedFurthermore, people are not improving their speaking or listening skills.
The phrase 'Another point is that' can be replaced with 'Furthermore' for better coherence.
RevisedIn conclusion, while modern technology may fasten communication and simplify processes, it also presents challenges for human relationships.
The phrase 'bring problems for' can be replaced with 'presents challenges for' to convey the idea more clearly.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage.
Sentence revisions 3
Revisedpeople use smartphones, social media, and other apps every day to connect with each other.
The verb form after 'people' should be simple present. The preposition 'for' is not needed in this context.
RevisedWhen people speak face to face, they express emotions, body language, and understanding are enhanced.
The sentence structure can be improved for better clarity and accuracy.
RevisedIt weakens connections, diminishes real-life skills, and erodes important habits such as planning and respect.
The verbs in the list should be in the same form. 'reduce' is changed to 'erodes' to maintain consistency.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThey merely like each other’s photos or write brief comments.
The word 'only' can be replaced with 'merely' to sound more formal. The word 'short' is replaced with 'brief' which is more suitable in this context.
RevisedHowever, with text messages, it is not possible to sense the other person's emotions.
The word 'But' at the beginning of the sentence is quite informal and can be replaced with 'However'.
RevisedThey may feel lethargic or isolated, which can negatively impact their work and friendships with coworkers.
The words 'lazy', 'alone' are replaced with 'lethargic', 'isolated' to provide a more formal tone and enhance vocabulary.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single idea.
Check your own essay on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 2 checker works.
Check an essay free