Technology and relationships: IELTS Task 2 essay #12, band 7.0

It is thought that new communication technologies such as phones, laptops or social media is having a negative effect on social relationships. In my opinion it is indeed harming social relationships.

Firstly, modern technology makes it easy to send messages, but it does not help us to build deep relationships. Most online conversations are short and not very emotional. For example, people might send only “Hi” or emojis instead of talking to others about how they feel. Apps such as Instagram or Facebook help people to stay in touch with others, but they do not encourage long and meaningful conversations. As a result, people feel lonely, even if they are talking to others through messages. They do not build strong friendships because they do not spend time with friends in real life.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedFirstly, while modern technology facilitates message-sending, it often falls short in fostering deep relationships.

   The revised sentence is more precise and natural.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedFor instance, people may opt to send a simple 'Hi' or emojis instead of engaging in deeper conversations to express their feelings.

   The revised sentence is more natural and fluent.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedConsequently, people often feel lonely, even when engaging in text conversations with others.

   The revised sentence is more precise and avoids the awkward use of 'talking to others through messages'.

Another negative effect, people are using phones and laptops to talk, which can cause loss of their speaking and listening abilities. Young people today often feel nervous or shy when start talking with others. This is because they are not used to speak in front of others. For example, many students can write messages very easily, but they struggle to speak clearly in a class. In the past, people practiced talking with other more compared to today’s generation, which helped them to become fluent speakers.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis is due to their lack of accustomedness to speaking in front of others.

   The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIn the past, people engaged in more face-to-face interactions compared to today's generation, which contributed to their fluency.

   The revised sentence corrects the comparative awkwardness and provides a clearer explanation.

These effects cause loss of discipline and routines. Traditional communication such as meetings and visiting people, needed planning. People had to decide where to meet, when and what to wear before their events. These helped people learn time-management and improve self-discipline. However, now people talk from home using their phones or computers. For example, remote workers often stay at home without wearing uniforms and do not follow a clear schedule. They may feel tired, stressed and have poor work-life balance. So, they miss the chance to build strong relations with their co-workers.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThese effects disrupt traditional discipline and routines.

   The revised sentence provides a more accurate description of the impact of technology on discipline and routines.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedFor instance, remote workers often struggle with maintaining a professional appearance and a clear schedule while working from home.

   The revised sentence provides a more specific and clear explanation of the impact of remote work on professional attire and work schedule.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThey may experience fatigue, stress, and a poor work-life balance.

   The revised sentence uses a more precise and formal vocabulary.

To conclude, new communication technologies are harming strong and clear relationships among people by apps such as Instagram or Tok-tok or phones and laptops.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, new communication technologies, such as Instagram, TikTok, and smartphones, are negatively impacting the depth and quality of human relationships.

   The revised sentence is more formal and precise.