University or a job after school: IELTS Task 2 essay #19, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
312 words. Marked by Axiom on 21 June 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2312 words
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
The question of whether young individuals should study in tertiary education or not has long been a topic of debate, with some believing that it is the best way to achieve successful life, critics argue that it is better to start a job after graduating school to get better practice and experience.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedI personally support the view that starting a career straight after high school is more beneficial.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct.
Proponents of getting into a job without higher education often highlight earlier experience and practical knowledge. Over time, they are building robust portfolio, gaining valuable experiences, and then achieving career and personal growth without diploma.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs school graduates start their careers straight after graduation, they gain more and earlier practical experience than students who are studying at universities.
The revised sentence is more clear and natural.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis, in turn, can lead to mastering the profession in advance.
The revised sentence is more idiomatic and conveys the idea more clearly.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFor example, many programmers and graphic designers start working on freelance platforms straight after high school.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and the idea is conveyed more clearly.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedTherefore, starting a career after high school offers these benefits.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and the idea is conveyed more clearly.
When younger individuals finishing school choose tertiary education over getting straight into a profession, they can gain broader knowledge about the major, work with professionals, and get myriad qualifications. For instance, unlike working without bachelor’s or master’s degree, individuals who have these qualifications get better jobs, as many companies and organizations choose qualified employees over unqualified ones. Thus, in order to have future prospects, it is important to study in universities and colleges.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, it is widely acknowledged that higher education is the key to becoming successful in life.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and conveys the idea more clearly.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe direct results of this extend beyond better job opportunities to a reinforced practical and theoretical knowledge about the work, ultimately leading to personal and career advancement.
The revised sentence is more clear and natural.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn conclusion, although entering the workforce immediately after school may offer earlier practical experience, the benefits of tertiary education, such as broader career prospects and robust professional knowledge, are significantly greater.
The revised sentence is more idiomatic and conveys the idea more clearly.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points you have made.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedHowever, it is widely acknowledged that higher education is the key to becoming successful in life.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and conveys the idea more clearly.
RevisedFor example, many programmers and graphic designers start working on freelance platforms straight after high school.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and the idea is conveyed more clearly.
RevisedTherefore, starting a career after high school offers these benefits.
The revised sentence is more grammatically correct and the idea is conveyed more clearly.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. These include errors in subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and preposition use. For example, "higher education is the key to become a successful in life" should be "higher education is the key to becoming successful in life," and "it is still pale in comparison to the benefits of tertiary education" should be "it pales in comparison to the benefits of tertiary education." Proofreading the essay to correct these errors is recommended.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedI personally support the view that starting a career straight after high school is more beneficial.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct.
RevisedAs school graduates start their careers straight after graduation, they gain more and earlier practical experience than students who are studying at universities.
The revised sentence is more clear and natural.
RevisedThe direct results of this extend beyond better job opportunities to a reinforced practical and theoretical knowledge about the work, ultimately leading to personal and career advancement.
The revised sentence is more clear and natural.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, "it is starting a career after graduating high school that offer this benefits" should be "starting a career after graduating high school offers these benefits." Additionally, the use of more formal language throughout the essay would enhance the overall quality.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis, in turn, can lead to mastering the profession in advance.
The revised sentence is more idiomatic and conveys the idea more clearly.
RevisedThe direct results of this extend beyond better job opportunities to a reinforced practical and theoretical knowledge about the work.
The revised sentence is more idiomatic and conveys the idea more clearly.
RevisedIn conclusion, although entering the workforce immediately after school may offer earlier practical experience, the benefits of tertiary education, such as broader career prospects and robust professional knowledge, are significantly greater.
The revised sentence is more idiomatic and conveys the idea more clearly.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both perspectives and providing the writer's opinion. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay could benefit from more specific examples to support the arguments and a more detailed exploration of the implications of each perspective. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main points and clearly restating the writer's position.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and provide a clear conclusion.
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