University or a job after school: IELTS Task 2 essay #18, band 7.5

When they finish school, teenagers face the dilemma of whether to get a job or continue their education. While there are some benefits to getting a job straight after school, I would argue that it is better to go to college or university.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedWhile getting a job straight after school has its benefits, I would argue that continuing education at a college or university is a better long-term investment.

   The revised sentence is more specific and clear.

The option to start work straight after school is attractive for several reasons. Many young people want to start earning money as soon as possible. In this way, they can become independent, and they will be able to afford their own house or start a family. In terms of their career, young people who decide to find work, rather than continue their studies, may progress more quickly. They will have the chance to gain real experience and learn practical skills related to their chosen profession. This may lead to promotions and a successful career.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedThere are several reasons why the option to start work straight after school is attractive.

   This revision makes the sentence more concise and improves the flow of ideas.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis allows them to achieve independence and afford their own housing, or even start a family.

   The revised sentence is more natural and specific.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis may lead to career advancement and success.

   The revised sentence is more general and applicable to a wider range of people.

On the other hand, I believe that it is more beneficial for students to continue their studies. Firstly, academic qualifications are required in many professions. For example, it is impossible to become a doctor, teacher or lawyer without having the relevant degree. As a result, university graduates have access to more and better job opportunities, and they tend to earn higher salaries than those with fewer qualifications. Secondly, the job market is becoming increasingly competitive, and sometimes there are hundreds of applicants for one position in a company. Young people who do not have qualifications from a university or college will not be able to compete.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedConversely, I believe that continuing studies is more beneficial for students.

   The revised sentence is more direct and to the point.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedAs a result, university graduates have access to a wider range of job opportunities and tend to earn higher salaries than those with fewer qualifications.

   The revised sentence is more precise and specific.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedYoung people without university or college qualifications may find it more challenging to compete in the job market.

   The revised sentence is more tactful and considers the potential for these young people to compete in a different way.

For the reasons mentioned above, it seems to me that students are more likely to be successful in their careers if they continue their studies beyond school level.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedTherefore, I believe that students' chances of success in their careers are higher if they continue their studies beyond school level.

   The revised sentence is more formal and academic.