University or a job after school: IELTS Task 2 essay #11, band 7.5

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career. While others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is common to see many people advocating for studying at tertiary education as it often leads to promising careers. However, some argue that getting a job straight upon graduation is a practical choice in many respects. I personally support the latter view for several reasons.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedI personally support the latter perspective for several reasons.

   The word 'perspective' is more appropriate in this context than 'view'.

On the one hand, those who are proponents of studying at university cite some valid reasons. To begin with, it is commonly believed that higher qualifications result in better job opportunities, which means that specialized knowledge and skills university provides aid people to increase their employability in many professional fields, such as medicine, engineering and law where university degree is often required. Another advantage of studying at third-level education is higher earning potential. Many people without degrees now tend to make a complaint about their low salaries. In contrast, those with higher education diploma are more likely to earn higher salaries as many high-paying jobs require advanced education and expertise. this is why, many people encourage younger individuals to pursue university degree, which is sure to improve job prospects.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedOn the one hand, proponents of studying at university cite valid reasons.

   The revised sentence is more concise and removes the unnecessary 'the' before 'those'.

That being said, one should not be dismissive of benefits getting a job straight after school brings about. Starting a job upon graduation enables students to gain hands-on experience, develop practical skills that universities do not necessarily provide. With gained experience and developed skills, one can work productively and make a meaningful contribution to the betterment of a certain company and country. Not only does starting a job offers opportunities to gain experience, but it also helps them to be become financially independent, allowing them to earn money that might otherwise be spent on university education if students opt for studying there. Additionally, there are some careers and business startups which do not require university degree. Having a degree in a specific field is not always necessary. In order to be as successful as Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg, one should have experience and skills, such as organizational, problem-solving and computer skills, which are highly valued in business. Therefore, it is critical to bear in mind that students should be stimulated to develop important skills and gain experiences, which yield more benefits in the long run.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedHowever, the benefits of getting a job straight after school should not be overlooked.

   The revised sentence is more concise and clear.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedNot only does starting a job offer opportunities to gain experience, but it also helps students to become financially independent, allowing them to earn money that might otherwise be spent on university education.

   The revised sentence corrects the verb agreement and rephrases the sentence for clarity.

3. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedSuccess in the business world, as exemplified by figures like Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg, often requires experience and skills that can be gained through work rather than formal education.

   The revised sentence provides a more general and inclusive example, making the point more effectively.

4. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedTherefore, it is critical to bear in mind that students should be encouraged to develop important skills and gain experiences, which will yield more benefits in the long run.

   The revised sentence corrects the verb form and improves the sentence flow.

In conclusion, while some argue that increasing employability and higher earning potential are the main motives why studying at university is often desirable, I firmly believe that gaining skills, experience, and financial stability are key advantages of starting a job immediately after school.