University or a job after school: IELTS Task 2 essay #25, band 7.0

Since the literacy rate of people has been significantly increased, a lot of people are applying for higher education. For some, getting a job immediately after school seems a more reasonable decision, while others consider taking higher education deserves more attention. Although it is true that some professions do not require higher education, I side with those who believe that studying at university or college should be prioritized, as it can enable people to be more successful in their career.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedFor some, getting a job immediately after school seems like a more reasonable decision, while others believe that higher education deserves more attention.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and awkward construction.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedAlthough some professionals can attain success without higher education, I advocate for the importance of prioritizing university or college education, as it significantly increases the chances of career success.

   The revised sentence provides a smoother transition and clearer expression of the writer's opinion.

There are several reasons to support the idea getting a job straight after school. Nowadays, there are various alternatives to higher education system, such as trainings and short-term courses specified on different fields. In some cases, these programs can give more knowledge compared to higher education and save much time. For example, there are jobs, such as mechanic, janitors, and caretakers, where no need to have a degree. Such knowledge can bring more benefits as opposed to theoretical knowledge that university or collage offers.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThere are several arguments to support the idea of getting a job straight after school.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and uses a more appropriate word choice.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedPractical knowledge gained from such programs can often yield more benefits compared to the theoretical knowledge offered by universities or colleges.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more precise comparison.

However, there are strong oppositions to the aforementioned argument. With high education, I believe there will be a great chance to pave the way to a successful career. In universities, students are always engaged in different researches, projects, and tasks, making them to learn something new every time. Thus, students may gain knowledge, at least fundamental, which can later help them to be competitive in their field. Moreover, university is an ideal place to establish new friends, and to have connections with such people may come in handy later on in life.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the other hand, there are compelling arguments against the necessity of higher education.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct transition to the opposing view.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedI believe that higher education significantly increases the chances of a successful career.

   The revised sentence corrects the inappropriate use of 'high education' and provides a more direct and clear expression of the writer's opinion.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIn universities, students are constantly involved in various research projects and tasks, which ensures continuous learning and exposure to new knowledge.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and awkward construction.

In conclusion, in my viewpoint, while there are valid points for both sides of the argument, I tend to believe that in general, higher education is needed for a successful life.