University or a job after school: IELTS Task 2 essay #10, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
300 words. Marked by Axiom on 14 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2300 words
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get the job straight after school Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
While I acknowledge the arguments against higher education, I believe that it better to go college or university.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIt is indeed becoming increasingly common for some to argue that continuing education through undergraduate or graduate studies after finishing high school is the key to a successful career, while others believe that it is more beneficial to get a job straight after school.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and clear.
For example, by immediately entering workforce, they will have a chance to gain real experience and learn practical skills related to their chosen profession early on. Additionally, early employment provides chances to build professional networks, which can lead to future job opportunities.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAdmittedly, supporters of the latter view have valid arguments that suggest it is better to get a job right after school.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Lexical resource
RevisedOne argument is that working at a young age promotes independence by encouraging self-reliance and responsibility, such as managing one's schedule, time management and finances, which helps to reduce dependency on parents or guardians.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and clear.
Firstly, academic qualifications are required in many professions.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, I believe that students can derive more benefits from continuing their studies.
The revised sentence is more precise and effectively conveys the writer's point of view.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIt is worth mentioning that people with college degrees have a greater potential for higher incomes and employment rates.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and clear.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor example, it is impossible to become a doctor, lawyer, or teacher without having the relevant degree.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and clear.
Lexical resource
RevisedSecondly, the benefits of individuals with an academic degree are often evident in society at large.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and clear.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor example, an increase in the number of highly educated individuals often leads to the general economic growth of the country, as these individuals with specialized skills can contribute to various industries.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and clear.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, despite the reasons mentioned above, I believe that students are more likely to be successful in their careers if they choose to continue their studies rather than entering the workforce immediately after school.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points you have made.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAdmittedly, supporters of the latter view have valid arguments that suggest it is better to get a job right after school.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
RevisedHowever, I believe that students can derive more benefits from continuing their studies.
The revised sentence is more precise and effectively conveys the writer's point of view.
RevisedIn conclusion, despite the reasons mentioned above, I believe that students are more likely to be successful in their careers if they choose to continue their studies rather than entering the workforce immediately after school.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay demonstrates a good command of complex sentence structures and a variety of grammatical forms. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more varied sentence structure to keep the reader engaged.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIt is indeed becoming increasingly common for some to argue that continuing education through undergraduate or graduate studies after finishing high school is the key to a successful career, while others believe that it is more beneficial to get a job straight after school.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and clear.
RevisedIt is worth mentioning that people with college degrees have a greater potential for higher incomes and employment rates.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and clear.
RevisedFor example, an increase in the number of highly educated individuals often leads to the general economic growth of the country, as these individuals with specialized skills can contribute to various industries.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and clear.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the essay could benefit from a more varied use of language to avoid repetition and keep the reader engaged.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne argument is that working at a young age promotes independence by encouraging self-reliance and responsibility, such as managing one's schedule, time management and finances, which helps to reduce dependency on parents or guardians.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and clear.
RevisedFor example, it is impossible to become a doctor, lawyer, or teacher without having the relevant degree.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and clear.
RevisedSecondly, the benefits of individuals with an academic degree are often evident in society at large.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and clear.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both perspectives on the issue and providing a clear personal stance. The writer presents a well-structured argument with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss each perspective, and a conclusion that restates the personal stance. The use of specific examples helps to support the arguments effectively. However, the essay could be further improved by providing more detailed explanations and additional examples to support the arguments.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and provide sufficient support for your points.
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