University or a job after school: IELTS Task 2 essay #15, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
323 words. Marked by Axiom on 27 March 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2323 words
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Individuals have different views on the choice between pursuing higher education or immediate employment after school, which leads to a more successful career. While there have several benefits to getting a job straight after school, the advantages of studying university or college outweigh them. I would argue that it is better to go college or university.
Many young people want to become independent and prefer to earn their own money rather than depending on their parents. That’s why they want to cover their expenses and they will be able to afford their own houses or start family. Moreover, working at a young age helps teenagers learn useful skills such as responsibility and independence.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSeveral reasons make the option to start work right after high school appealing.
The revised sentence is more direct and clear.
Lexical resource
RevisedThey believe that higher education is a waste of time and money.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn terms of their careers, teenagers who choose to work instead of continuing their studies may progress more quickly.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Lexical resource
RevisedHowever, they face several challenges and find it hard to become professionals without a higher education.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Secondly, the job market is becoming increasingly competitive, and sometimes there are hundreds of applications for one position in a company. Young people who do not have qualifications from university or college will not be able to complete.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, I am of the belief that young students should continue their studies.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFirstly, specific workplaces such as law, medicine, and engineering require academic qualifications.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and more concise.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs a result, those with more academic qualifications tend to have access to better job opportunities and earn higher salaries.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn conclusion, although some argue that entering the workforce immediately after school is better, I believe that continuing education offers more advantages, including more job opportunities, higher income, and a reduced risk of facing intense competition in the job market.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer's opinion, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The body paragraphs each discuss a different viewpoint, but the connection between these points could be made clearer with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. More explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay and improve overall coherence.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the arguments you have made in the body of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSeveral reasons make the option to start work right after high school appealing.
The revised sentence is more direct and clear.
RevisedOn the other hand, I am of the belief that young students should continue their studies.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic.
RevisedIn conclusion, despite the arguments for gaining a job immediately after school, I am of the belief that continuing studies offers more advantages.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. For example, in the sentence "Firstly, academic qualifications are required university degree to work in some specific workplaces such as lawyer, doctor and engineer," the phrase "academic qualifications are required university degree" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "academic qualifications require a university degree" for clarity. In the sentence "As a result, those who have access to more and better job opportunities, and they tend to earn higher salaries than those who do have fewer qualifications," the phrase "and they tend to earn higher salaries than those who do have fewer qualifications" is awkward and could be revised for clarity.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFirstly, specific workplaces such as law, medicine, and engineering require academic qualifications.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and more concise.
RevisedAs a result, those with more academic qualifications tend to have access to better job opportunities and earn higher salaries.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
RevisedIn conclusion, although some argue that entering the workforce immediately after school is better, I believe that continuing education offers more advantages, including more job opportunities, higher income, and a reduced risk of facing intense competition in the job market.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. For example, in the sentence "They believe that higher education for them is a waste of time and money," the phrase "for them" is a bit awkward and could be omitted for clarity. In the sentence "In terms of their career, teenagers who decide to find work, instead of continuing their studies, may progress more quickly," the phrase "In terms of their career" is a bit vague and could be made more specific. In the sentence "Moreover, working at a young age helps teenagers learn useful skills such as responsibility and independence," the phrase "working at a young age" could be replaced with "gaining employment at a young age" for clarity.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThey believe that higher education is a waste of time and money.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
RevisedIn terms of their careers, teenagers who choose to work instead of continuing their studies may progress more quickly.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
RevisedHowever, they face several challenges and find it hard to become professionals without a higher education.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing the benefits of both higher education and immediate employment after high school. The writer presents a clear position that the advantages of continuing education outweigh those of starting work immediately. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments. For example, the writer could provide specific examples of jobs that require higher education and that offer better job prospects and salaries. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. The essay effectively addresses the topic and presents a clear position, but it could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point.
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