University or a job after school: IELTS Task 2 essay #14, band 4.5

In the modern life, many people believe that learning at the university college is a good direction, successful per stage, in addition to while some just believe that it is preferable to get at the work state forward after the school.

On the one hand, today,some people believe that some children have studied at the university or college in the best route to successful career. Firstly, it is obviously the children should get a very good job because some children studying at the university professional college learning is good for job. For example, who wants studying at the university or college because they are learning a variety of subjects for studying increasing job, one of them wise to help men studying, therefore, one of the best careers that who wants studying university or beneficial for life. Also, the university or various job career, finally, in the case, some people think that at the university or college, the men is the best route because they are increasing themselves as the best career.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the one hand, some people today believe that studying at a university or college is the best route to a successful career.

   The sentence is revised for clarity and coherence.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedFirstly, it is often believed that children should study at the university as it provides them with better job opportunities.

   The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and is clearer in terms of sentence structure.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedAlso, it is believed that the university or a stable career are the best options as it helps individuals to enhance their professional growth.

   The revised sentence is more accurate and clear in terms of vocabulary and expression.

On the other hand, nowadays, other people think that it is preferable to get a best job straight forward after the school because some children don't studying at the school. The main reasons today is who want playing variety of games has a lot to do with who better to get simple job direction. It is not only because who want to better get simple job direction after the school, only because some people prefer to basic job and the simple life. I personally think that the children need to get a good learning job after the school. In addition to, some people should a good subjects for good life. Finally, some children should studying at the university.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedI personally think that children should aim to secure a good job after completing their education.

   The revised sentence is grammatically correct and clearer in terms of the message it conveys.

In conclusion, nowadays, some people should be studying at the university or college. Also, this is themselves the best career for the most basic route

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, it is evident that studying at a university or college is preferred by some people.

   The revised sentence is more coherent and clearly conveys the intended message.