University or a job after school: IELTS Task 2 essay #13, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
255 words. Marked by Axiom on 20 March 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2255 words
Some people belive that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
When they finish school, teenagers face the dilemma of whether to get a job or continue their education.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedWhile there are several benefits to getting a job straight after school, I would argue that it is better to go to university or college.
The revised sentence corrects the verb form and the capitalization of the personal pronoun.
Firstly, it is important to go to university or college to teenagers who want to achieve to dreams and goals that, there could be efficiently to happining of that intends. As a result university could give many job opportunities, and they tend to earn high salaries.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the one hand, some school students may attend courses to discover their future path and find a successful way to live.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'some' instead of 'a part of' provides a clearer and more precise meaning.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSecondly, academic qualifications are required in many professional fields.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'professional fields' instead of 'many ways professions' provides a clearer and more precise meaning.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor example, it is impossible to become a doctor, teacher or lawyer without the relevant degree.
The revised sentence removes the unnecessary 'that' and corrects the structure of the sentence for better clarity.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSecondly, companies need advanced-level staff who have a lot of experience, which is something students who have studied can acquire.
The revised sentence corrects the grammar and structure of the sentence for better clarity.
On the other hand, the option who get a job straight after school is attractive for several reasons. Firstly, they can earn a lot of money from their work, and they can afford to buy a new house or start a family. Secondly, they can learn new experiences more quickly then will be master or popular with their skills.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, teenagers who continue their education straight after school will be better equipped to achieve their goals, and their work opportunities will provide them with a more stable income.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'better equipped to achieve their goals' and 'work opportunities will provide them with a more stable income' provides a clearer and more precise meaning.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the progression of ideas a bit difficult to follow. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your opinion.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the one hand, some school students may attend courses to discover their future path and find a successful way to live.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'some' instead of 'a part of' provides a clearer and more precise meaning.
RevisedSecondly, academic qualifications are required in many professional fields.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'professional fields' instead of 'many ways professions' provides a clearer and more precise meaning.
RevisedIn conclusion, teenagers who continue their education straight after school will be better equipped to achieve their goals, and their work opportunities will provide them with a more stable income.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'better equipped to achieve their goals' and 'work opportunities will provide them with a more stable income' provides a clearer and more precise meaning.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of complex grammatical structures, with some errors in accuracy and punctuation. There are a few instances of awkward phrasing and incorrect verb forms, which could be revised for clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWhile there are several benefits to getting a job straight after school, I would argue that it is better to go to university or college.
The revised sentence corrects the verb form and the capitalization of the personal pronoun.
RevisedFor example, it is impossible to become a doctor, teacher or lawyer without the relevant degree.
The revised sentence removes the unnecessary 'that' and corrects the structure of the sentence for better clarity.
RevisedSecondly, companies need advanced-level staff who have a lot of experience, which is something students who have studied can acquire.
The revised sentence corrects the grammar and structure of the sentence for better clarity.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which could be refined for greater clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 2
Revisedsome school students have attended courses to determine their future path
The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and collocation.
Revisedthey can find a successful way to live
The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and collocation.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the benefits of both getting a job straight after school and continuing education at university or college. The writer presents a clear position, arguing that continuing education is the better option, and provides reasons to support this view. However, the argument could be more fully developed, with more specific examples needed to support the points made.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and is well-developed.
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