University or a job after school: IELTS Task 2 essay #22, band 5.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
296 words. Marked by Axiom on 21 September 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2296 words
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others think that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
People have different views as to whether the success’s key solution is studying at university or college or beginning get a job after a school.
Lexical resource
RevisedWhile both arguments play a crucial role in future success,
The preposition 'in' is needed after 'role' to complete the expression.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedI believe that studying at a university or college provides better opportunities.
The use of the indefinite article 'a' is more appropriate in this context.
One main reason is that some people have different talent and if they go this path, they achieve success faster rather than studying university.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the one hand, there are several valid arguments for starting a career path after leaving school.
The preposition 'for' is more appropriate in this context.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedBy contrast, a teenager who has a talent for fixing automobiles might succeed earlier if he starts his own business, due to his hard work and talent.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The suggested revision provides a more clear and concise version.
Lexical resource
RevisedIf this boy chooses a university and studies there for four years, he may not improve his business or might be late for his success.
There are several errors in this sentence, including the choice of words and the use of grammar. The suggested revision corrects these errors.
The first main advantage is that university degree provides long-term success and finding own job is easier because to degree. When they began to study at university or college, they have the opportunity to gain invaluable insights into different perspectives and knowledge, which leads to build deep expertise and a thorough understanding of his field, resulting in become expert to his field. As ra result, he can develop his business more efficiently and achieve sustainable better results.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, I believe that continuing study at university or college opens many advantages for success.
The verb form is incorrect. 'Opens' should be used instead of 'opened'.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAccording to statistics, 76% of business people have studied at a university or college.
The phrase 'businessman people' is not standard English. The suggested revision provides a more accurate and natural sounding phrase.
studying university or college create the opportunity to long-term results.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, although starting work after school provides a faster building career path,
The phrase 'starting work after school' is more grammatically correct than 'starting a work after school'.
Lexical resource
RevisedNot only does this approach lead to a better career path, but also allows individuals to learn different ideas and knowledge, which is efficient for their life.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and the word 'knowledges' is not standard English. The suggested revision corrects these issues.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 5.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Avoid making the use of cohesive devices too obvious or repetitive.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the one hand, there are several valid arguments for starting a career path after leaving school.
The preposition 'for' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedOn the other hand, I believe that continuing study at university or college opens many advantages for success.
The verb form is incorrect. 'Opens' should be used instead of 'opened'.
RevisedIn conclusion, although starting work after school provides a faster building career path,
The phrase 'starting work after school' is more grammatically correct than 'starting a work after school'.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors and some sentences are unclear.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedI believe that studying at a university or college provides better opportunities.
The use of the indefinite article 'a' is more appropriate in this context.
RevisedBy contrast, a teenager who has a talent for fixing automobiles might succeed earlier if he starts his own business, due to his hard work and talent.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The suggested revision provides a more clear and concise version.
RevisedAccording to statistics, 76% of business people have studied at a university or college.
The phrase 'businessman people' is not standard English. The suggested revision provides a more accurate and natural sounding phrase.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedWhile both arguments play a crucial role in future success,
The preposition 'in' is needed after 'role' to complete the expression.
RevisedIf this boy chooses a university and studies there for four years, he may not improve his business or might be late for his success.
There are several errors in this sentence, including the choice of words and the use of grammar. The suggested revision corrects these errors.
RevisedNot only does this approach lead to a better career path, but also allows individuals to learn different ideas and knowledge, which is efficient for their life.
The sentence is grammatically incorrect and the word 'knowledges' is not standard English. The suggested revision corrects these issues.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and support them with specific examples.
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