University or a job after school: IELTS Task 2 essay #16, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
249 words. Marked by Axiom on 27 March 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2249 words
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
When teenagers finish school, they face the dilemma of whether to start working or continue their education. While getting a job right away has some advantages, I believe that going to college or university is the better choice.
Many young people are eager to start earning money as soon as possible. They gain real-world experience, develop useful skills related with their works.
Lexical resource
RevisedChoosing to enter the workforce immediately after school is attractive for several reasons.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward use of 'an' before 'attractive'.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis enables them to achieve financial independence, afford their own home, or even consider starting a family.
The revised sentence provides a more precise and formal expression of the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn terms of career growth, individuals who opt to enter the workforce immediately might advance faster than those who pursue further education.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThis, in turn, can lead to career growth, promotions, and success.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear connection between the cause and the effect.
On the other hand, I believe that continuing education is more beneficial for students. Firstly, many careers require academic qualifications. For example, jobs like doctors, teachers, and lawyers need specific degrees. As a result, university graduates have better access to good job opportunities and usually earn higher salaries than those with fewer qualifications. Without a college or university degree, young people may find it harder to compete.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedMoreover, the job market is becoming more competitive, with many people applying for the same jobs.
The revised sentence corrects the use of 'position' in this context.
In conclusion, while some think starting work right after school is the better choice, I believe that continuing education is more beneficial. It provides better job opportunities, higher salaries, and makes it easier to compete in the job market.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Ensure that your examples directly support your arguments.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedIn terms of career growth, individuals who opt to enter the workforce immediately might advance faster than those who pursue further education.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
RevisedThis, in turn, can lead to career growth, promotions, and success.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear connection between the cause and the effect.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions, but these do not impede communication.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedWhen it comes to career growth, those who enter the workforce straight after school might advance faster than those who continue their studies.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.
RevisedMoreover, the job market is becoming more competitive, with many people applying for the same jobs.
The revised sentence corrects the use of 'position' in this context.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedChoosing to enter the workforce immediately after school is attractive for several reasons.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward use of 'an' before 'attractive'.
RevisedThis enables them to achieve financial independence, afford their own home, or even consider starting a family.
The revised sentence provides a more precise and formal expression of the idea.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. Both sides of the argument are discussed, and the writer's opinion is clearly stated. However, the discussion could be more detailed and specific, with more concrete examples to support the points made.
Suggestions
- Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single idea.
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