Students and other activities: IELTS Task 2 essay #5, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
245 words. Marked by Axiom on 16 November 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2245 words
Full-time students should spend a lot of time on studies, but they should be involved in other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It has been suggested that the students who take part in full-time education are advised to be involved in various activities other than studies. I totally agree with this view since they should be skilled in activities that are necessary for life and take rest sometimes.
Thus, for them to become successful in their major, they should stick to their lessons and given tasks according to some.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn one hand, modern-day students, particularly those enrolled in full-time classes, often find themselves extremely busy with their academic tasks.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more specific description of the situation.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis is because most fields of study that are undertaken on a full-time basis require commitment and devotion, such as economics, law, and medicine.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and more formal in tone.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn these cases, students often have no choice but to dedicate all their time to their studies.
The revised sentence is more concise and easier to understand.
Activities like playing football, tennis, swimming and hiking, for example, can boost one’s mental and physical well-being.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, these students should also develop skills in other essential life activities.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn other words, as humans encounter various situations in life, it is advisable to be prepared to handle them.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor instance, a student studying IT could learn carpentry as a backup skill in the event that programming is not needed due to advancements in AI.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more accurate terminology.
Lexical resource
RevisedMoreover, given their long study hours, it is important that students also get sufficient rest to combat fatigue.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses more precise language.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn conclusion, despite the heavy workload of full-time students, they should engage in other activities that promote their future and current well-being.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses more precise language.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, but the body paragraphs could be more detailed and specific. Transitions between ideas and sentences are generally well-handled, but there are a few instances where they could be improved. The essay is generally easy to follow, but there are a few areas where clarity could be improved.
Suggestions
- Consider providing more specific examples to support your points.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single idea.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn one hand, modern-day students, particularly those enrolled in full-time classes, often find themselves extremely busy with their academic tasks.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more specific description of the situation.
RevisedIn these cases, students often have no choice but to dedicate all their time to their studies.
The revised sentence is more concise and easier to understand.
RevisedHowever, these students should also develop skills in other essential life activities.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures, and the majority of sentences are free of grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay demonstrates a good command of complex sentence structures, with only a few grammatical errors. Overall, the grammatical range and accuracy are quite good, but there is room for improvement in terms of sentence construction and clarity.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis is because most fields of study that are undertaken on a full-time basis require commitment and devotion, such as economics, law, and medicine.
The revised sentence is grammatically correct and more formal in tone.
RevisedIn conclusion, despite the heavy workload of full-time students, they should engage in other activities that promote their future and current well-being.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses more precise language.
RevisedIn these cases, students have no choice but to dedicate all their time to their studies.
The revised sentence is more concise and easier to understand.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with only a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. Overall, the lexical resource is quite good, but there is room for improvement in terms of word choice and collocation.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn other words, as humans encounter various situations in life, it is advisable to be prepared to handle them.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
RevisedFor instance, a student studying IT could learn carpentry as a backup skill in the event that programming is not needed due to advancements in AI.
The revised sentence is more concise and uses more accurate terminology.
RevisedMoreover, given their long study hours, it is important that students also get sufficient rest to combat fatigue.
The revised sentence is more natural and uses more precise language.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the argument. The essay provides a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, and the position is consistently maintained throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay would benefit from more specific examples to support the points made.
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