Students and other activities: IELTS Task 2 essay #20, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
373 words. Marked by Axiom on 8 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2373 words
Full-time students should spend a lot of time on studies, but they should be involved in other activities too. To what extend do you agree or disagree
In my opinion, students balance their time on studies and should involve activities such as sports or communication.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSome people believe that full-time students should spend the majority of their time studying, while others think that they should also engage in other activities.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear sentence construction.
Focusing on one task for a long time can make students bored and tired easily, because their brain has to rest. There is a fact that if you work on something for a long time without any breaks you cannot complete your task on time. Students have to take a break in every 30 minutes while doing things such as assignment or homework. It improves their focus on their studies. For example, after school student can watch movie or rest. This gives their brain some rest.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the one hand, studying is important in students’ lives; however, if they can balance it with other activities, they can start to study more efficiently.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more coherent idea by using a semicolon and a conjunction to connect the two related ideas.
While communicating student’s make friends or chat with others, it can make them feel relaxed and connected. For example, spending time with a friend after school can make students feel happier and confident.
Lexical resource
RevisedFurthermore, engaging in communication helps students to alleviate their stress.
The revised sentence provides a more precise and formal word choice.
Lexical resource
RevisedIf students solely engage in studying, they may feel lonely and bored, which could potentially detract from their academic performance.
The revised sentence provides a more precise and formal language use.
Lexical resource
RevisedEngaging in activities with friends helps them to temporarily forget about their studies and can enhance their academic performance.
The revised sentence provides a more precise and formal language use.
on the other hand, doing sports is very essential for students, it teach es them about life skills. Team games teach students for teamwork, while solo games teach them to be confident and patient. In sports students face several difficulties and they have deal with them. They think about several ways to deal with their problem and involve in team discussions, which improves their problem-solving skills helps them succeed in life. Learning these skills important for the future, only studying cannot teach these important lessons.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor instance, in volleyball, students learn to collaborate and support each other, even in challenging situations.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear sentence construction.
Therefore, students should be involved in activities such as doing sports or making friends.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while it is believed that dedicating a significant amount of time to studies is beneficial for students, in my opinion, it can lead to boredom and fatigue, and therefore, it is important to strike a balance between studies and other activities.
The revised sentence provides a more coherent and clear conclusion, summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's position.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the writer's stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your position.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedIn conclusion, while it is believed that dedicating a significant amount of time to studies is beneficial for students, in my opinion, it can lead to boredom and fatigue, and therefore, it is important to strike a balance between studies and other activities.
The revised sentence provides a more coherent and clear conclusion, summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's position.
RevisedOn the one hand, studying is important in students’ lives; however, if they can balance it with other activities, they can start to study more efficiently.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more coherent idea by using a semicolon and a conjunction to connect the two related ideas.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and sentence structure, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected for clarity and precision. Additionally, the conclusion could be rephrased for better clarity and to more effectively summarize the main points.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSome people believe that full-time students should spend the majority of their time studying, while others think that they should also engage in other activities.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear sentence construction.
RevisedEngaging in activities with friends helps them to temporarily forget about their studies and can enhance their academic performance.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear sentence construction.
RevisedFor instance, in volleyball, students learn to collaborate and support each other, even in challenging situations.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear sentence construction.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the conclusion could use more varied language to effectively summarize the main points.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFurthermore, engaging in communication helps students to alleviate their stress.
The revised sentence provides a more precise and formal word choice.
RevisedIf students solely engage in studying, they may feel lonely and bored, which could potentially detract from their academic performance.
The revised sentence provides a more precise and formal language use.
RevisedEngaging in activities with friends helps them to temporarily forget about their studies and can enhance their academic performance.
The revised sentence provides a more precise and formal language use.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The writer effectively balances the two parts of the prompt, discussing the importance of both studying and engaging in other activities. However, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the writer's stance.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your argument and support it with specific examples.
- Make sure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states your position.
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