Students and other activities: IELTS Task 2 essay #18, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
274 words. Marked by Axiom on 3 June 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2274 words
Full-time students should spend a lot of time on studies, but they should be involved in other activities too. Do you agree or disagree
It is undisputable fact that, in today's world, full time students ought to focus more attention on their studies, nonetheless they should expand time for other activities too. I firmly agree with this notion and I will elaborate my point of view in the upcoming paragraphs.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedBased on the evidence, while academic knowledge is undoubtedly important, allocating time to extracurricular activities can help students sharpen essential soft skills.
The use of 'but' is not necessary in this sentence as it is already implied that the two ideas are contrasting. Additionally, 'academic' should be spelled correctly, and 'essential' is a more precise term than 'some'.
Out of all arguments, the strongest one to prove my point is that, by just emphasizing on curricula, Namely, spending time on other activities can assist them reduce these mental problems Furthermore, wide range of other activities like debating can enable them to develop skills which is universally valuable, precisely such as leadership, communication and creativity. Additionally, just by relying solely on theoretical knowledge, students might find adapting hard in future and may not enhance their flexibility.
Grammar & accuracy
Revised...they might experience mental-related issues such as mental fatigue or stress.
The phrase 'get mentall related issues' is not grammatically correct. The revised sentence is more accurate and natural.
Lexical resource
Revised...and might even impress their overall well-being.
The verb 'impress' should be used in the base form after 'might'.
Moreover, education is not only about academic subjects. On top of that, students can get better in academic performance, namely they can achieve variety of practical skills other than academical foundation. Therefore, this alone can open doors for long-term success in their further career paths. Ultimately, students can benefit a lot by paying attention to other bustles.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother reason to support this view is that students can achieve personal growth by not overemphasizing their studies.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'support this view' is more precise than 'validate my point of view'.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, by dedicating time to activities outside of their studies, students can not only avoid mental health issues but also improve essential soft skills and flexibility, which are crucial in many fields.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'In conclusion' provides a clear ending to the essay. Additionally, the revised sentence is more precise and specific.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reinforcing the overall argument.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully connect your ideas in each paragraph.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedBased on the evidence, while academic knowledge is undoubtedly important, allocating time to extracurricular activities can help students sharpen essential soft skills.
The use of 'but' is not necessary in this sentence as it is already implied that the two ideas are contrasting. Additionally, 'academic' should be spelled correctly, and 'essential' is a more precise term than 'some'.
RevisedAnother reason to support this view is that students can achieve personal growth by not overemphasizing their studies.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'support this view' is more precise than 'validate my point of view'.
RevisedIn conclusion, by dedicating time to activities outside of their studies, students can not only avoid mental health issues but also improve essential soft skills and flexibility, which are crucial in many fields.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the use of 'In conclusion' provides a clear ending to the essay. Additionally, the revised sentence is more precise and specific.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are some grammatical errors and inaccuracies in the use of prepositions. The essay uses a variety of complex grammatical structures with a good level of accuracy. However, there are a few minor errors and awkward phrasings that could be refined for greater clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
Revised...they might experience mental-related issues such as mental fatigue or stress.
The phrase 'get mentall related issues' is not grammatically correct. The revised sentence is more accurate and natural.
Revised...students can achieve a variety of practical skills in addition to their academic foundation.
The phrase 'achieve variety of practical skills other than academical foundation' is not grammatically correct. The revised sentence is more accurate and natural.
Revised...impressed their overall well-being.
The phrase 'impressed their overall well-being' is not grammatically correct. The revised sentence is more accurate and natural.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which could be refined for greater clarity and precision.
Sentence revisions 3
Revised...and might even impress their overall well-being.
The verb 'impress' should be used in the base form after 'might'.
Revised...and they might experience mental health issues such as mental fatigue or stress.
The phrase 'get mentall related issues' is not idiomatic. The revised sentence is more accurate and natural.
Revised...students can achieve a variety of practical skills in addition to their academic foundation.
The phrase 'achieve variety of practical skills other than academical foundation' is not idiomatic. The revised sentence is more accurate and natural.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The argument is well-developed and the ideas are presented in a logical sequence, leading to a clear conclusion. However, the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style, as some informal language and contractions were used.
Suggestions
- Ensure to maintain a formal tone and style throughout the essay.
- Avoid using contractions (e.g., can't, won't) in a formal essay. Instead, use the full forms (e.g., cannot, will not).
Check your own essay on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 2 checker works.
Check an essay free