Students and other activities: IELTS Task 2 essay #17, band 7.0

A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.

252 words. Marked by Axiom on 29 April 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

Task 2252 words

Full-time students should spend a lot of time on studies, but they should be involved in other activities too. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

The question of full-time students should engage in extracurricular activities has long been a topic of debate, with some individuals believing spending time outside of studies contributes to better mental strength. I strongly agree with this viewpoint, since doing non-school-related jobs, such as volunteering and working in any professions provide useful life and career experiences.

Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedThe question of whether full-time students should engage in extracurricular activities has long been a topic of debate, with some individuals believing that spending time on activities outside of their studies contributes to better mental strength.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. The revised sentence correctly uses the plural form 'studies' to refer to the work of full-time students.

Proponents of full-time students should do further activities excluding studies often highlight mental benefits. When a full-time student participates in various clubs, or works on different intriguing projects which is not scoped by studies, this learner can not only intakes more academic knowledge, but also his mental productivity may increase, as multitasking is a key factor of cognitive improvement. This results in rapid self-growth and brighter academic prospects, thanks to the engagement of myriad activities.

Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedWhen a full-time student participates in various clubs, or works on different intriguing projects that are not related to their studies, this learner can not only acquire more academic knowledge, but also increase their mental productivity, as multitasking is a key factor in cognitive improvement.
The original sentence is awkward and grammatically incorrect. It has been revised for clarity and accuracy.
Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedThis leads to rapid personal growth and brighter academic prospects, due to the engagement in a wide range of activities.
The term 'self-growth' is less commonly used and may be unfamiliar to some readers. It has been revised to 'personal growth' for clarity. Additionally, 'myriad' is a bit formal and has been replaced with 'a wide range'.

The benefits of this development is not only intellectual improvement, but also include life-lasting experiments. Put it simply, if full-time learners in academic institutions participate in myriad social events and charities, especially volunteering, or work in one type of profession, the likelihood of getting positive experiences, coupled with experiments will boosts, eventually leading profound knowledge about different fields that are crucial for both life and career. Thus, it is doing extracurricular jobs that offer such advantages to full-time pupils.

Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedThe benefits of this approach extend beyond intellectual improvement to include valuable life experiences.
The term 'life-lasting experiments' is not clear and may be confusing to the reader. It has been revised to 'valuable life experiences' to more accurately convey the intended meaning.
Coherence & cohesion
Close revision note
RevisedIn simple terms, if full-time students participate in a variety of extracurricular activities, including volunteering and working in different professions, they are more likely to gain positive experiences and deepen their knowledge in various fields that are important for their lives and careers.
The original sentence is long and confusing. It has been revised for clarity and conciseness.
Grammar & accuracy
Close revision note
RevisedThus, engaging in extracurricular activities offers such advantages to full-time students.
The term 'extracurricular jobs' is not clear and may be confusing to the reader. It has been revised to 'engaging in extracurricular activities' for clarity.

In conclusion, it is essential to students to take part in non-school-related programs, such as sports classes and charity events as they are one of the root factors of enhanced intelligence and gaining valuable experiences, both of which are crucial for future prospects.

Lexical resource
Close revision note
RevisedIn conclusion, it is essential for students to participate in extracurricular programs, such as sports clubs and charity events, as these activities can significantly enhance their intelligence and provide valuable experiences, which are crucial for their future prospects.
The original sentence is a bit awkward and unclear. It has been revised for clarity and conciseness.

Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.

Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.

What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.

Coherence & cohesion

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions

Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points of your essay.

Sentence revisions 2

RevisedThe benefits of this approach extend beyond intellectual improvement to include valuable life experiences.
The term 'life-lasting experiments' is not clear and may be confusing to the reader. It has been revised to 'valuable life experiences' to more accurately convey the intended meaning.
RevisedIn simple terms, if full-time students participate in a variety of extracurricular activities, including volunteering and working in different professions, they are more likely to gain positive experiences and deepen their knowledge in various fields that are important for their lives and careers.
The original sentence is long and confusing. It has been revised for clarity and conciseness.

Grammar & accuracy

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the overall quality of the writing. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could help to illustrate the points more clearly.

Sentence revisions 3

RevisedThe question of whether full-time students should engage in extracurricular activities has long been a topic of debate, with some individuals believing that spending time on activities outside of their studies contributes to better mental strength.
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. The revised sentence correctly uses the plural form 'studies' to refer to the work of full-time students.
RevisedWhen a full-time student participates in various clubs, or works on different intriguing projects that are not related to their studies, this learner can not only acquire more academic knowledge, but also increase their mental productivity, as multitasking is a key factor in cognitive improvement.
The original sentence is awkward and grammatically incorrect. It has been revised for clarity and accuracy.
RevisedThus, engaging in extracurricular activities offers such advantages to full-time students.
The term 'extracurricular jobs' is not clear and may be confusing to the reader. It has been revised to 'engaging in extracurricular activities' for clarity.

Lexical resource

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could help to illustrate the points more clearly.

Sentence revisions 2

RevisedThis leads to rapid personal growth and brighter academic prospects, due to the engagement in a wide range of activities.
The term 'self-growth' is less commonly used and may be unfamiliar to some readers. It has been revised to 'personal growth' for clarity. Additionally, 'myriad' is a bit formal and has been replaced with 'a wide range'.
RevisedIn conclusion, it is essential for students to participate in extracurricular programs, such as sports clubs and charity events, as these activities can significantly enhance their intelligence and provide valuable experiences, which are crucial for their future prospects.
The original sentence is a bit awkward and unclear. It has been revised for clarity and conciseness.

Task response

Band 7.0/ 9

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing the benefits of full-time students participating in extracurricular activities. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions

Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and provide sufficient detail and examples to support your points.

Check your own essay on this question

Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 2 checker works.

Check an essay free