Students and other activities: IELTS Task 2 essay #15, band 7.0

There is a view that full-time students devote their time for education, but they should engage in daily activities, too. I strongly agree with this notion since extracurricular activities can help to maintain good health and keep relationships strong.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedI strongly agree with this notion, as extracurricular activities can help maintain good health and strengthen relationships.

   The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic.

In recent years, students, especially teenagers and young adults, are being so busy with their studies. They can benefit academically, but they should consider other factors in their life as well, as the vital one is health. Its better to take place in activities related to sports. Some universities and schools offer students free activities out of their curriculum, which helps them to keep fit. By the way, students have an access to amenities such as playground and workout places which are provided by their educational centers. Furthermore, they can benefit physically and mentally, by reducing their stress and regain energy from their demanding studies.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn recent years, students, especially teenagers and young adults, have been extremely busy with their studies.

   The verb tense needed to be corrected for consistency.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIt is better to engage in activities related to sports.

   The correct phrase is 'to engage in' rather than 'to take place in'.

Another thing, that students can do out of their studies is, to keep in touch with their family and friends. It helps to cement harmonious relationship among each other. Students should include this activity on their regular basis. Having conversation with someone is the best way to avoid pressure from studies as well. Most students tend to have conversations with their friends in form of video calls on social media apps. In my view, it could be better to arrange meeting or gathering once in a while in holidays.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedAnother important activity that students should engage in outside of their studies is to keep in touch with their family and friends.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer connection to the overall topic of the essay.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIt helps to foster harmonious relationships with others.

   The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedStudents should make this activity a regular part of their lives.

   The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic.

4. Lexical resource

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   RevisedMost students tend to have conversations with their friends in the form of video calls on social media apps.

   The revised sentence is grammatically correct.

5. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIn my view, it would be better to arrange meetings or gatherings once in a while during holidays.

   The revised sentence is more clear and concise.

In conclusion, students should allocate their time for activities such as sports and basic conversations apart from academics, as it contributes their overall well-being and foster relations in general.