Students and other activities: IELTS Task 2 essay #19, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
365 words. Marked by Axiom on 8 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2365 words
Full-time students should spend a lot of time on studies, but they should be involved in other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree
While studying is important , I strongly believe that students should also take part in other activities such as sports ,art , music or social events . These activities help students have a more balanced , healthy and happy life .
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn today's competitive world, many students focus solely on studying to get good grades and secure a bright future.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and provides a more accurate expression of the intended meaning.
For example , a student who studies for ten hours without taking a break may feel mentally tired and unable to focus . However, if that same student plays football or goes for a walk for an hour , their mind becomes fresh again . In this way ,including physical or fun activities helps improve their study performance .
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedFirstly, it is important to note that students cannot spend the entire day studying without experiencing fatigue or stress.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection to the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe brain needs rest to work properly.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and provides a more accurate expression of the intended meaning.
Lexical resource
RevisedIf students only focus on reading books and doing homework, they may become bored, lose interest in their subjects, or even suffer from stress.
The revised sentence corrects the misuse of the word 'internet' and provides a more accurate expression of the intended meaning.
When students play a team ,take part in a group projects or join clubs , they learn how to communicate , cooperate and solve problems with others . These are useful skills that cannot be learned from books alone .
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSecondly, engaging in activities outside of the classroom can help students develop important social skills that are valuable in future jobs and daily life.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear connection to the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor example, a student who takes part in a school debate will learn how to speak clearly and listen to others' opinions respectfully.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and provides a more accurate expression of the intended meaning.
A student who enjoys painting or playing the guitar may feel more relaxed and confident , which also helps them focus better when they study .
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedLastly, engaging in hobbies such as drawing, singing, or playing music can help students reduce stress and make the most of their free time.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear connection to the point being made.
Lexical resource
RevisedThese creative activities provide a outlet for self-expression and can help improve their mental health.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the intended meaning.
In conclusion , while studying is very important for full time students, other activities should not be ignored , Sports , hobbies and social experiences help students grow in many ways .
Lexical resource
RevisedA good balance between study and other aspects of life is the key to being successful, healthy, and happy.
The revised sentence corrects the typo and provides a more accurate expression of the intended meaning.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the points you have made in the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFirstly, it is important to note that students cannot spend the entire day studying without experiencing fatigue or stress.
The revised sentence provides a clearer connection to the point being made.
RevisedSecondly, engaging in activities outside of the classroom can help students develop important social skills that are valuable in future jobs and daily life.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear connection to the point being made.
RevisedLastly, engaging in hobbies such as drawing, singing, or playing music can help students reduce stress and make the most of their free time.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear connection to the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn today's competitive world, many students focus solely on studying to get good grades and secure a bright future.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and provides a more accurate expression of the intended meaning.
RevisedThe brain needs rest to work properly.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and provides a more accurate expression of the intended meaning.
RevisedFor example, a student who takes part in a school debate will learn how to speak clearly and listen to others' opinions respectfully.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and provides a more accurate expression of the intended meaning.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIf students only focus on reading books and doing homework, they may become bored, lose interest in their subjects, or even suffer from stress.
The revised sentence corrects the misuse of the word 'internet' and provides a more accurate expression of the intended meaning.
RevisedA good balance between study and other aspects of life is the key to being successful, healthy, and happy.
The revised sentence corrects the typo and provides a more accurate expression of the intended meaning.
RevisedThese creative activities provide a outlet for self-expression and can help improve their mental health.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the intended meaning.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the topic by discussing the importance of full-time students participating in activities outside of their studies. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and by ensuring that all points are fully developed and supported.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that all points are fully developed and supported.
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