Students and other activities: IELTS Task 2 essay #21, band 8.0

There is an ongoing dispute on whether it is necessary for full-time students to prioritize a practical approach over a theoretical background. Although the academic part of learning appears to be essential for every learner, I do agree that gaining real experience through practice is more important.

1. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedAlthough the academic part of learning may seem essential for every learner, I agree that gaining real experience through practice is more important.

   The revised sentence corrects the verb form to match the subject.

On the one hand, theory is considered as a core responsibility of a learner. In fact, if a student lacks expertise in the field, he is prone to limiting himself. In other words, while a person having a profound grasp of a necessary subject is likely to solve any issue in a more meaningful way, other students, who demonstrate a significant shortage in theory, are more likely to require more time for addressing an identical issue due to an inability to instantly identify the problem. Nevertheless, it must be admitted that knowledge rarely equals practical wisdom; thus, it is not certain that a robust theoretical foundation ensures a rapid solution to the same problem.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedOn the one hand, theory is often considered a core responsibility of a learner.

   The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the following point.

2. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedIn fact, if a student lacks expertise in the field, he is likely to self-limit.

   The revised sentence uses a more appropriate term for "self-limiting."

3. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedIn other words, students with a profound grasp of the necessary subject are likely to solve issues more effectively, unlike other students who may require more time due to their theoretical shortfalls.

   The revised sentence is more concise and easier to understand.

Indeed, there are several valid arguments for prioritizing practice over theory. First, participating in subject-related practice enhances a person’s confidence in the application of his expertise. For example, a dental intern learns how patients react to tooth extraction and consequently is able to anticipate the same concerns while practicing himself. Moreover, students participating in activities have a valuable opportunity to improve their interpersonal skills, such as communication, teamwork, and leadership, which are bound to be essential in their further career. Apparently, these are rarely improved in a classroom environment.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedIndeed, there are several compelling reasons to prioritize practice over theory.

   The revised sentence provides a stronger and more direct transition to the supporting points.

2. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedFor example, a dental intern learns how patients react to tooth extraction and consequently can anticipate the same concerns when practicing.

   The revised sentence provides a more natural and concise expression.

3. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedClearly, these skills are rarely improved in a classroom environment.

   The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear expression.

In conclusion, while theory appears important in students’ development, they should prioritize a more practical approach for increasing practical wisdom, confidence, and interpersonal skills.

1. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedIn conclusion, while theory is important in student development, they should prioritize a more practical approach to increase their practical wisdom, confidence, and interpersonal skills.

   The revised sentence corrects the pronoun reference and provides a more natural expression.