Students and other activities: IELTS Task 2 essay #6, band 8.0

University students are expected to engage in extra-curricular activities, usually voluntary projects; therefore, some are critical of those who are exclusively occupied with their studies. I agree with this school of thought since sports activities and voluntary projects play a key role in shaping well-rounded individuals.

Current tertiary education programs are rigorous requiring serious time commitment from students, by giving tasks and assignments both within and outside classes. As a result, many students can barely spare time for their personal life and other activities. This is compounded by the ever-increasing number of exams a student is bound to pass during their studies, leading to many of these students spending excessive amounts of time revising and cramming for exams. Critics usually maintain that this has to change, and students need to be encouraged to do other activities, too.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedThis is further exacerbated by the increasing number of exams that students must prepare for, often leading to excessive revising and cramming.

   The revision provides a clearer and more concise way to connect the ideas in the sentence.

2. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedCritics argue that the situation needs to change, advocating for a greater encouragement of students to engage in diverse activities beyond their academic duties.

   The revision provides a more formal and precise way to express the idea.

I support this view since sports activities are important for the holistic development of young people. Rather than a narrow focus on academic knowledge, to harvest a well-rounded generation of graduates, universities and other educational bodies must incorporate football, basketball, and other types of sports. While a typical university features such activities and sports complexes, these are generally underused due mainly to unrealistic academic expectations from students. I think, that by promoting sports activities, universities may facilitate physical development and teamwork among their students for many sports games foster a sense of belonging and rewarding relationships among teammates through shared moments of victory and defeat.

1. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedI believe that by promoting sports activities, universities can foster physical development and teamwork among students, as many sports games promote a sense of belonging and strengthen relationships through shared moments of victory and defeat.

   The revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.

Another type of non-academic activity crucial for a student is voluntary work. By participating in community-based projects, such as conservation schemes or working with disadvantaged members of society, students can develop a closer connection with society and can enhance problem-solving and other essential skills. Personally, when I was involved in voluntary work, in which we visited some poor families, I learned lasting and impactful lessons that later helped revise my future goals. Activities such as these are valuable tools to prepare students for the real world as it is.

1. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedAnother important form of non-academic activity for students is voluntary work.

   The revision provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.

2. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedPersonally, when I participated in voluntary work, such as visiting underprivileged families, I learned valuable lessons that later helped me revise my future goals.

   The revision provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea.

In conclusion, because of the significance of sports and volunteering, I side with the opinion that a sole focus on academic studies as a student is a short-sighted attitude toward education.