Parks turned into gardens: IELTS Task 2 essay #8, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
277 words. Marked by Axiom on 3 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2277 words
In some cities, public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Today, some cities are turning public parks into gardens where people can grow fruits and vegetables.I believe the disadvantages are more serious because parks are needed for many important activities in cities.
For example, if a family grows vegetables like cucumbers or tomatoes, they don’t have to spend much in markets. This is very useful for families who have low income.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne advantage of converting open spaces into gardens is the opportunity it provides for people to grow their own food.
This revision provides a clearer and more direct statement of the advantage.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis is beneficial for their health and can also lead to cost savings.
The revised sentence is more precise and formal.
Another benefit is that gardening gives people something useful to do. Many people, especially older people, enjoy spending time outside. When they work in the garden, they move their body and breathe fresh air. This can help improve their health and make them feel less lonely. So, gardening is good for both the body and mind.
Parks are places where many people go to walk, play, or rest. For instance, in a big city like Tashkent, people already don’t have enough open space. If parks are changed, they may lose the only place where they can relax or do sports.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, the transformation of public parks into gardens may also present certain issues.
This revision provides a smoother transition to the contrasting point.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIf these areas are transformed into gardens, it may no longer be possible to carry out these activities.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis could potentially lead to a more monotonous and stressful urban life.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
But I think it is more important to keep public parks for everyone.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while urban gardening promotes food cultivation and physical activity, its benefits must be weighed against the potential drawbacks.
This revision provides a more nuanced conclusion that takes into account the potential drawbacks of urban gardening.
Lexical resource
RevisedParks cater to the needs of children, adults, and the elderly alike, serving a variety of purposes.
The revision provides a more concise and effective way to communicate the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedRather than converting parks, cities should consider utilizing other vacant areas for gardens, such as unused land or rooftops.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly presented. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your sentences are not too long or complex, which can sometimes make your writing less clear.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne advantage of converting open spaces into gardens is the opportunity it provides for people to grow their own food.
This revision provides a clearer and more direct statement of the advantage.
RevisedOn the other hand, the transformation of public parks into gardens may also present certain issues.
This revision provides a smoother transition to the contrasting point.
RevisedIn conclusion, while urban gardening promotes food cultivation and physical activity, its benefits must be weighed against the potential drawbacks.
This revision provides a more nuanced conclusion that takes into account the potential drawbacks of urban gardening.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be improved for clarity.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIf these areas are transformed into gardens, it may no longer be possible to carry out these activities.
The revised sentence is more clear and direct.
RevisedIn conclusion, urban gardening promotes food cultivation and physical activity, which can be beneficial.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
RevisedRather than converting parks, cities should consider utilizing other vacant areas for gardens, such as unused land or rooftops.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis is beneficial for their health and can also lead to cost savings.
The revised sentence is more precise and formal.
RevisedThis could potentially lead to a more monotonous and stressful urban life.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
RevisedParks cater to the needs of children, adults, and the elderly alike, serving a variety of purposes.
The revision provides a more concise and effective way to communicate the idea.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively and presents a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed exploration of the counter-arguments.
Suggestions
- Consider including a more detailed discussion of potential counter-arguments to provide a more balanced view.
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