Parks turned into gardens: IELTS Task 2 essay #9, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
258 words. Marked by Axiom on 26 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2258 words
In some cities, public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In some cities, the government is transforming public parks and open spaces into gardens, where residents can grow plants. While this change can bring fresh products, I believe that the drawback of people’s dissatisfaction outweighs the benefit.
For instance, people will not need to buy these goods from markets, which may be too expensive and not safe, as most of them are hormone-injected and have limited nutrients. Eventually, and consume enough nutrition.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the one hand, the transformation of parks and open spaces into gardens provides the benefit of having access to fresh products.
The revised sentence is more clear and formal.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedCitizens can grow fruits and vegetables, ensuring the healthiness and freshness of the products they consume.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
Lexical resource
Revisedpeople are going to have fewer health problems
The term 'less' is used with uncountable nouns, whereas 'fewer' is used with countable nouns. In this context, 'fewer' is the correct choice.
Parks and open areas are turned into gardens, which means that , affecting the mood of local people.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, I believe that these changes could have negative consequences.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
Lexical resource
Revisedrecreational areas are eliminated
The term 'erased' is a bit strong for this context. 'Eliminated' is a more appropriate term.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAs people will not have places to engage in activities such as jogging or playing sports, they may become angry that their interests are not valued by the authorities.
The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedDissatisfaction may lead residents to protest against the gardens, or even cause damage to these areas.
The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.
However, in my opinion, this action is going to have disadvantage, as recreational areas are removed and people are going to be dissatisfied about it.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, the conversion of parks and open spaces into gardens in urban areas, while providing the advantage of access to fresh produce,
The revised sentence is more clear and formal, and the idea is not completed in the original sentence.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, but the body paragraphs could be more detailed and focused. Transitions between ideas are generally well-handled, but some sentences are a bit awkward and could be rephrased for clarity.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that each sentence in a paragraph focuses on a single idea and is clearly related to the main point of the paragraph.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the one hand, the transformation of parks and open spaces into gardens provides the benefit of having access to fresh products.
The revised sentence is more clear and formal.
RevisedOn the other hand, I believe that these changes could have negative consequences.
The revised sentence is more formal and academic in tone.
RevisedIn conclusion, the conversion of parks and open spaces into gardens in urban areas, while providing the advantage of access to fresh produce,
The revised sentence is more clear and formal, and the idea is not completed in the original sentence.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedCitizens can grow fruits and vegetables, ensuring the healthiness and freshness of the products they consume.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
RevisedAs people will not have places to engage in activities such as jogging or playing sports, they may become angry that their interests are not valued by the authorities.
The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.
RevisedDissatisfaction may lead residents to protest against the gardens, or even cause damage to these areas.
The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
Revisedopen spaces
The term 'hollow areas' is not commonly used in this context. 'Open spaces' is a more appropriate term.
Revisedrecreational areas are eliminated
The term 'erased' is a bit strong for this context. 'Eliminated' is a more appropriate term.
Revisedpeople are going to have fewer health problems
The term 'less' is used with uncountable nouns, whereas 'fewer' is used with countable nouns. In this context, 'fewer' is the correct choice.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples, but the conclusion could be more effective.
Suggestions
- Try to make your conclusion more effective by summarizing your main points and restating your position clearly.
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