Parks turned into gardens: IELTS Task 2 essay #11, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
291 words. Marked by Axiom on 14 March 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2291 words
In some cities, public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own vegetables and fruit. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, as if local people can grow vegetables and fruits, this ensure fresh and healthy food, saving money, community relationship, and also environmental benefits.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn this fast-paced world, there has been an ongoing debate about local parks and open fields being replaced by gardens where local people can grow their own vegetables and fruit.
The revised sentence corrects the preposition and verb form for better clarity and accuracy.
For example, when local people plant their own, they do not use harmful substances, leading to being healthier. In addition, raising local food saves money because people do not purchase in markets or malls.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedThere are several advantages to cultivating crops in gardens. These include ensuring fresh and healthy food for people, which can contribute to a healthier lifestyle.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the ideas are connected more effectively.
The former is that people working in a group and helping each other, these promote social interactions and bonding, the latter is that this helps enhance ecological quality and urban farming. For instance, when they grow plants and greenery, these foster fresh air and more produced CO2.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother advantage of transforming local parks and open spaces into gardens is the potential to strengthen community relationships and reap environmental benefits.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the ideas are connected more effectively.
Although the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, there are some certain drawbacks.
Lexical resource
RevisedOne of the main disadvantages is the limited recreational space, which can lead to negative feelings such as stress, anxiety, and depression due to overwork.
The revised sentence uses more precise language to convey the same idea.
Lexical resource
RevisedMoreover, since not everyone is interested in gardening, local parks and open spaces play a vital role in providing entertainment.
The revised sentence uses more precise language to convey the same idea.
However, there are some disadvantages of replacing gardens, which leads to less space for relaxation and maintenance problems. But I think that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, the transformation of public parks and open fields into gardens, where local residents can grow their own vegetables and fruits, can lead to improved health, cost savings, and enhanced air quality.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the ideas are connected more effectively.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the points you have made in the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThere are several advantages to cultivating crops in gardens. These include ensuring fresh and healthy food for people, which can contribute to a healthier lifestyle.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the ideas are connected more effectively.
RevisedAnother advantage of transforming local parks and open spaces into gardens is the potential to strengthen community relationships and reap environmental benefits.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the ideas are connected more effectively.
RevisedIn conclusion, the transformation of public parks and open fields into gardens, where local residents can grow their own vegetables and fruits, can lead to improved health, cost savings, and enhanced air quality.
The revised sentence is more coherent and the ideas are connected more effectively.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the overall readability and flow. However, there are a few grammatical errors that could be addressed. For example, "Another advantages of local parks and open spaces changed into gardens are strengthening community relationship and environmental benefits" should be "Another advantage of transforming local parks and open spaces into gardens is the strengthening of community relationships and environmental benefits." Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn this fast-paced world, there has been an ongoing debate about local parks and open fields being replaced by gardens where local people can grow their own vegetables and fruit.
The revised sentence corrects the preposition and verb form for better clarity and accuracy.
RevisedAnother advantage of transforming local parks and open spaces into gardens is the strengthening of community relationships and environmental benefits.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical error and awkward phrasing in the original sentence.
RevisedIn conclusion, the transformation of public parks and open fields into gardens where local residents can grow their own vegetables and fruits can lead to improved health, savings on food costs, and enhanced air quality.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and verb form in the original sentence.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. For example, "Another advantages of local parks and open spaces changed into gardens are strengthening community relationship and environmental benefits" could be rephrased as "Another advantage of transforming local parks and open spaces into gardens is the potential to strengthen community relationships and reap environmental benefits." Ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will also improve overall clarity and readability.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThere are several benefits to cultivating crops in gardens, as this can ensure fresh and healthy food for people and contribute to a healthy lifestyle.
The revised sentence uses more appropriate vocabulary to convey the same idea.
RevisedOne of the main disadvantages is the limited recreational space, which can lead to negative feelings such as stress, anxiety, and depression due to overwork.
The revised sentence uses more precise language to convey the same idea.
RevisedMoreover, since not everyone is interested in gardening, local parks and open spaces play a vital role in providing entertainment.
The revised sentence uses more precise language to convey the same idea.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of transforming public parks and open fields into gardens where local residents can grow their own vegetables and fruit. The writer presents a clear position that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and supports this position with relevant examples. However, the argument could be further developed to provide more specific examples and evidence. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your arguments more fully and provide specific examples to support your points.
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