Parks turned into gardens: IELTS Task 2 essay #10, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
327 words. Marked by Axiom on 27 July 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2327 words
In some cities, public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own food and vegetables. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years, some cities have begun transforming public parks and open spaces into community gardens where residents can grow vegetables and fruits.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedDespite this trend sparking debates about the reduction of leisure space, I believe the benefits, particularly those related to sustainability and community involvement, far outweigh the drawbacks.
This revision provides a smoother transition between ideas.
This is mainly because these gardens help cut down on carbon emissions and food miles by reducing dependency on transported produce. As a result, the environment suffered, and local people may suffer less from toxic gases that are produced by transport.
Lexical resource
RevisedOne significant advantage of such policies is that they promote local food production, thereby contributing to overall environmental sustainability.
The term 'encourage' is not the most appropriate word to use in this context. 'Promote' would be a better choice.
Lexical resource
RevisedFor instance, some European cities have seen a decrease in imported goods in supermarkets due to urban gardening projects.
The original sentence is a bit awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more concise and accurate statement.
For example, growing plants requires social interaction where people need to share their ideas about techniques and tools they possess.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother main benefit is that promoting public engagement in gardening can help enhance the sense of community.
This revision provides a clearer connection between the two ideas.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedPeople who work together to grow crops tend to form stronger social bonds, which is particularly important in cities where social isolation is becoming more prevalent.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and clear.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedUltimately, this openness to the world, and the interactions with others, contribute to a more independent and socially open society.
The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more concise and accurate statement.
One of the disadvantages of the urban greenery policy is that it may limit opportunities for physical activity and relaxation. For example, in cities with limited greenery, losing a single park may affect children who rely on that park for their outdoor games.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, such initiatives also come with certain drawbacks.
The term 'demerits' is not commonly used in this context and may cause some confusion. 'Drawbacks' is a more appropriate term in this context.
Lexical resource
RevisedSince parks are known as essential spaces for activities like jogging, playing, cycling, or simply unwinding in nature, converting them into crop beds may not be positively accepted by everyone.
The term 'changing them with crop beds' is not clear. 'Converting them into crop beds' is a more accurate description.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedConsequently, people may start to migrate to other cities where more recreational zones are available, as these parks provide a sense of tranquility that urban residents often lack.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear explanation.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly identifiable. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your sentences are not too long or complex, which can sometimes make your writing less clear.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedDespite this trend sparking debates about the reduction of leisure space, I believe the benefits, particularly those related to sustainability and community involvement, far outweigh the drawbacks.
This revision provides a smoother transition between ideas.
RevisedAnother main benefit is that promoting public engagement in gardening can help enhance the sense of community.
This revision provides a clearer connection between the two ideas.
RevisedHowever, such initiatives also come with certain drawbacks.
The term 'demerits' is not commonly used in this context and may cause some confusion. 'Drawbacks' is a more appropriate term in this context.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions, but they do not impede overall understanding.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedPeople who work together to grow crops tend to form stronger social bonds, which is particularly important in cities where social isolation is becoming more prevalent.
The revised sentence is more grammatically accurate and clear.
RevisedUltimately, this openness to the world, and the interactions with others, contribute to a more independent and socially open society.
The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more concise and accurate statement.
RevisedConsequently, people may start to migrate to other cities where more recreational zones are available, as these parks provide a sense of tranquility that urban residents often lack.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear explanation.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne significant advantage of such policies is that they promote local food production, thereby contributing to overall environmental sustainability.
The term 'encourage' is not the most appropriate word to use in this context. 'Promote' would be a better choice.
RevisedFor instance, some European cities have seen a decrease in imported goods in supermarkets due to urban gardening projects.
The original sentence is a bit awkward and unclear. The revision provides a more concise and accurate statement.
RevisedSince parks are known as essential spaces for activities like jogging, playing, cycling, or simply unwinding in nature, converting them into crop beds may not be positively accepted by everyone.
The term 'changing them with crop beds' is not clear. 'Converting them into crop beds' is a more accurate description.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant, extended and supported ideas.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop all of your points and provide sufficient support for your arguments.
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