Parks turned into gardens: IELTS Task 2 essay #1, band 8.0

There is now a practice of turning open spaces and public parks into gardens in urban regions. As a result, residents of these cities can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Although this idea of promoting agriculture within the city appears to be beneficial in terms of providing people with their own food and the opportunity to garden, there are more drawbacks. Parks and open spaces play a crucial role in helping city residents maintain an active lifestyle, and transforming them into gardens may disrupt city infrastructure.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedAlthough this idea appears to be beneficial in terms of providing people with their own food and the opportunity to garden, there are also some drawbacks.

   The revision provides a smoother transition between the two parts of the sentence.

Gardening can be advantageous for two reasons. One is being able to grow fruit and vegetables. Provided some people are likely to be interested in organic products, monitoring the process of growth independently or in groups can be an enjoyable process. Another advantage of having gardens in cities is that it gives people an opportunity to enjoy the process of gardening, which involves physical activity and leisure. In fact, gardening can quickly become one of the most beloved activities among elderly urban residents, who are the demographic most likely to be involved in gardening.

1. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedThere are two main advantages of gardening. The first is the ability to grow fruit and vegetables.

   The revision provides a clearer and more formal way to introduce the two main points.

2. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedIn fact, gardening can quickly become a beloved activity among elderly urban residents, who are the most likely demographic to be involved in gardening.

   The revision provides a more natural and clear sentence structure.

However, we should not be too enthusiastic about the aforementioned benefits. One has to consider the time it takes to transform huge areas into public gardens, challenging the urban design of any large city. Most cities cannot tolerate continuous changes in their urban plan, making the development of gardens unnecessary. In Tashkent, the city I currently live in, there are numerous parks, and other elements of urban infrastructure surround them in an already limited environment. Adding new walls, fences or greenhouses, for instance, can annoy many city residents.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedOne must also consider the time and effort required to transform large areas into public gardens, which can challenge the urban design of any city.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer connection between the ideas.

2. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedMost cities are not able to accommodate continuous changes in their urban plan, making the development of gardens impractical.

   The revision provides a more accurate and precise use of language.

3. Lexical resource

   Close revision note

   RevisedFor instance, the addition of walls, fences or greenhouses can be a source of annoyance for many city residents.

   The revision provides a more natural and appropriate use of language.

While comparing a park to a garden, for example, we can identify different roles, too. In public parks, people can jog, read books, do yoga, and walk with their pets. Gardens may not allow people to be as free since there is an increased interest in growing fruits and vegetables. Parks and open spaces are also venues for different open-air events that help the dynamism of a city, especially a large one.

1. Coherence & cohesion

   Close revision note

   RevisedParks and open spaces, being venues for various open-air events that contribute to the dynamism of a city, especially a large one, hold significant value.

   The revision provides a clearer and more concise way to express the idea, improving the sentence structure and clarity.

In conclusion, it is true that gardens in cities can be a great way to help the elderly grow plants while also enjoying gardening as a leisure, but parks and open spaces are too valuable for the infrastructure of many cities, meaning transforming the latter two into gardens is not sensible.

1. Grammar & accuracy

   Close revision note

   RevisedIn conclusion, while gardens in cities can be a great way to help the elderly grow plants and enjoy gardening, the value of parks and open spaces for many city infrastructures makes transforming them into gardens impractical.

   The revision provides a clearer and more concise way to express the conclusion.