Parks turned into gardens: IELTS Task 2 essay #16, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
281 words. Marked by Axiom on 13 April 2026. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2281 words
In some cities, public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own vegetables and fruit. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In some cities around the world, public parks and open spaces are being used as gardens where residents can grow their own vegetables and fruit.
While this shift has some benefits, they are not as significant as its drawbacks.
In cities, people have limited access to fresh and affordable produce especially in densely populated areas. A further advantage is improved biodiversity. Insects such as bees can help with pollination, allowing plants to reproduce and increase plant diversity.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne advantage of transforming public spaces into gardens is the opportunity for local food production.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more specific advantage of the transformation process.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis initiative allows residents to grow their own vegetables and fruits, thereby reducing dependence on store-bought produce.
The revised sentence corrects the use of the plural 'fruits' and provides a more natural and complete expression of the idea.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedCommunity gardens can also contribute to local biodiversity by attracting small insects and birds that play a crucial role in the ecosystem.
The revised sentence corrects the use of the plural 'which' and provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea.
Public parks and open space have wide range of functions, from physical activities such as aesthetics and basketball to relaxation and leisure. Converting these areas into gardens may limit access for city residents who prefer to spend their pastime in open space for either exercise or relaxation.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, the drawbacks of converting public areas into gardens may outweigh the benefits.
The revised sentence provides a more effective contrast to the previous point and better introduces the upcoming discussion of disadvantages.
Lexical resource
RevisedOne significant drawback is the potential loss of recreational spaces.
The revised sentence provides a more precise and impactful word choice.
Lexical resource
RevisedEqually concerning is the difficulty in managing and maintaining these spaces.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedUnlike public areas, which are typically maintained by the government, community gardens rely on volunteers, who may be difficult to find among the employed population in cities.
The revised sentence corrects the structure and punctuation of the sentence, improving the overall clarity and precision of the point being made.
Lexical resource
RevisedIf residents do not actively participate in the maintenance of these spaces, they may become neglected, leading to a reduction in the attractiveness of the area and potential conflicts among residents regarding their responsibilities.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea, improving the overall clarity and precision of the point being made.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, the disadvantages of transforming public parks and open spaces into community gardens may outweigh the advantages, despite the potential benefits of local food production and improved biodiversity.
The revised sentence provides a more comprehensive summary of the essay's argument, reinforcing the key points discussed.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly structured. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the key points of your argument.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne advantage of transforming public spaces into gardens is the opportunity for local food production.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more specific advantage of the transformation process.
RevisedHowever, the drawbacks of converting public areas into gardens may outweigh the benefits.
The revised sentence provides a more effective contrast to the previous point and better introduces the upcoming discussion of disadvantages.
RevisedIn conclusion, the disadvantages of transforming public parks and open spaces into community gardens may outweigh the advantages, despite the potential benefits of local food production and improved biodiversity.
The revised sentence provides a more comprehensive summary of the essay's argument, reinforcing the key points discussed.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few minor errors that could be addressed.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis initiative allows residents to grow their own vegetables and fruits, thereby reducing dependence on store-bought produce.
The revised sentence corrects the use of the plural 'fruits' and provides a more natural and complete expression of the idea.
RevisedCommunity gardens can also contribute to local biodiversity by attracting small insects and birds that play a crucial role in the ecosystem.
The revised sentence corrects the use of the plural 'which' and provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea.
RevisedUnlike public areas, which are typically maintained by the government, community gardens rely on volunteers, who may be difficult to find among the employed population in cities.
The revised sentence corrects the structure and punctuation of the sentence, improving the overall clarity and precision of the point being made.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne significant drawback is the potential loss of recreational spaces.
The revised sentence provides a more precise and impactful word choice.
RevisedEqually concerning is the difficulty in managing and maintaining these spaces.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the point being made.
RevisedIf residents do not actively participate in the maintenance of these spaces, they may become neglected, leading to a reduction in the attractiveness of the area and potential conflicts among residents regarding their responsibilities.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea, improving the overall clarity and precision of the point being made.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more engaging and the conclusion could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Consider revising the introduction to more effectively engage the reader and set up the rest of the essay.
- Consider revising the conclusion to more effectively summarize the key points of the argument.
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