Parks turned into gardens: IELTS Task 2 essay #2, band 7.5

Some cities are letting local residents plant fruit and vegetables of their own by turning public parks and open spaces into gardens. The downsides of such transformation can include limited accessibility and environmental risks but these downsides are outweighed by the advantages of educational opportunities and health benefits.

On the one hand, not all residents may not take part in growing plants because of inappropriate physical ability, lack of time and interest. This neglect by local people can left the allocated area unused, leading to poor management of city structure and weak tourism. Since locals do not use the area properly, planting vegetables or fruits, the attractiveness of city declines due to no care to the earth. The number of tourists visiting to particular city, as a result, starts seeing decrease, followed by city revenue coming from tourism, because of lack of attractions in there. Instead, keeping public areas or open spaces could attract more tourists than that of misused gardens, offering at least some entertainment or greenery. Secondly, giving permission to residents changing open areas to gardens to grow crops may result in nonfunctional soil content due to improper choice of pesticides or fertilizers usage. The probability of having people with mastered agricultural knowledge may be lower in some cities which means individuals might be prone to mischoose pesticides to apply for areas. This ignorance, in turn, brings about destroyed layer of soil, leaving area vestigial in the long run and even desertification.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOn the one hand, not all residents may participate in plant cultivation due to physical limitations, lack of time, or lack of interest.

   The original sentence was confusing and repetitive. This revision provides a clearer and more concise statement of the idea.

2. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedSecondly, allowing residents to transform open spaces into gardens may lead to poor soil quality due to the use of improper pesticides or fertilizers.

   The revised sentence is more concise and clear, improving the flow of ideas.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedThe likelihood of residents with advanced agricultural knowledge being present in some cities is low, which means that individuals may be prone to misusing pesticides in the area.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the sentence structure.

4. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis ignorance can lead to soil degradation, which can result in desertification.

   The revised sentence is more concise and uses more appropriate vocabulary.

Governments, however, can organize trainings before replacement of public areas about choosing right fertilizers, along with the tasks that should be done during every season. Not only this development boosts overall understanding of population, but also helps them to find right guidance towards taking care of their plants properly.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis development not only boosts the overall understanding of the population, but also provides them with the right guidance for taking care of their plants.

   The revised sentence uses more appropriate vocabulary and is more grammatically accurate.

Another advantage of shift to gardens from open areas is that health benefits local people can gain. Firstly, such agricultural practices require physical exercise. More labour keeps population exercising, improving physical state of them, and it prevents diseases related to bones and muscles, coupled with cardiovascular illnesses too since regular exercising is beneficial to heart. Apart from keeping population healthy and fit, daily movement and also taking care of plants advance mental state, serving as stress relief and mindfulness activity. Secondly, green spaces with crops can teach students visually beyond theories and terms. Not only students with the major of agriculture can gain invaluable real-life experience by visiting gardens and having sessions about practices held on there such as effective use of chemicals, others also might find out more land use, which they can apply their knowledge on lands when they grow up, not letting areas misused or infected. Additionally, the interactivity levels of lesson would increase if they are thought outsides.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIncreased physical activity due to gardening helps keep the population healthy and prevents diseases related to the bones and muscles, as well as cardiovascular illnesses, as regular exercise is beneficial for the heart.

   The revised sentence is more concise and uses more appropriate vocabulary.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIn addition to keeping the population healthy and fit, daily movement and the act of caring for plants can also improve mental well-being, serving as a stress relief and a mindfulness activity.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the sentence structure.

In conclusion, even though transforming public areas to garden where people can grow crops might result in misused lands because of limited accessibility and environmental risks like bad quality soil and then desertification, they are outweighed by advantages of health benefit, both mentally and physically, and better educational opportunities.