A new international language: IELTS Task 2 essay #16, band 7.0

There is a notion that the majority of people hold a view that we should invent or discover a new form of language that can be beneficial for international and global communication. While there are some drawbacks of creating a new sort of language, I value the importance of it in the modern world.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedWhile creating a new language has its drawbacks, I believe it is important in the modern world.

   The revised sentence is more clear and direct, and the use of 'I believe' provides a more personal and direct tone.

To start with, there is a proposal in which the invention of languages can be worthless due to the more number of it and the adaptability of speaking and interacting in that language. Regarding Esperanto as an example, although it is the most easiest and spoken language in the world, many individuals find it invaluable and unimportant and less communicational as well. Additionally, it is crystally clear that the English and Mandarin languages are already the most used languages, meaning there is no need to invent a newly language which is culturally and traditionally not developed in the 21st century.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedTo start with, some argue that inventing new languages could be worthless due to the already existing number of languages and the challenges of adapting to a new language.

   The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and the use of 'some argue' provides a more accurate representation of the opposing view.

However, I strongly propose that inventing languages in many fields could expand the worldview of many people and excel their soft skills. For instance, international technologies or IT is one of the quickest developing jobs in current times and sometimes learning languages in this particular field might sharpen their work skill, expand their knowledge and gain some working experiences. This eventually may assist in making more money, improve their confidence and tolerate their well-being. What is more, languages help countries to be well known around the globe. The language English once and for a while made Great Britain to be one of the most visited places in the 20th century because of its simplicity that many producers have started to press magazines, newspapers, articles and even books in this language.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedHowever, I strongly believe that inventing languages in various fields could broaden people's worldviews and enhance their soft skills.

   The revised sentence is more clear and direct, and the use of 'I believe' provides a more personal and direct tone.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedFurthermore, languages help countries gain global recognition.

   The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic, and the use of 'gain global recognition' provides a more accurate representation of the original idea.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedEnglish, with its simplicity, once made Britain one of the most visited places in the 20th century, leading many media outlets to start producing content in this language.

   The revised sentence is more natural and idiomatic, and the use of 'media outlets' provides a more accurate representation of the original idea.

In the light of all implemented reasons and problems occurred in inventing languages these days, I sincerely believe languages offer many benefits in any field, whether it be for working or education.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedConsidering all the reasons and challenges involved in inventing new languages, I firmly believe that they can offer numerous benefits in various fields, such as work and education.

   The revised sentence is more clear and direct, and the use of 'considering all the reasons and challenges' provides a more accurate representation of the previous discussion.