A new international language: IELTS Task 2 essay #11, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
392 words. Marked by Axiom on 4 January 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2392 words
Some people think that we should invent a new language for international communication. Will the benefits of this outweigh the problems associated with it?
Lexical resource
RevisedAs the global population continues to grow, so too does the demand for a single language that can be used for international communication.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAlthough the invention of a universal language could bring several advantages, these would not outweigh the drawbacks of such a situation.
The revised sentence corrects the verb form to match the singular subject and improves the clarity of the point being made.
First and foremost, people, despite having different backgrounds can understand each others more thoroughly. Aside form that, having a universally spoken language aids traders and entrepreneurs to boost their sales a lot. In many cases, for flourishing business the only barrier is not having any knowledge about targeted destinations language. This phenomenon can be cured or even help businesses to bloom in any location. Finally, the most convenient part of the single global language is that it turns international travel into easier and comfortable experience. This means, it can complicate overall circumstance for both parties, for tourists it delays the blending process with locals. As for residents, they feel uncomfortable having someone they cannot understand on their surrounding.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAdmittedly, a global consensus on a single language, if achieved, could significantly enhance lives for many people worldwide.
The revised sentence provides a more specific and direct statement of the potential benefit of a global language.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis global understanding could foster a sense of unity and harmony among nations, regardless of their distinct physical or cultural features.
The revision provides a more accurate and effective use of the vocabulary to convey the intended meaning.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedNowadays, many individuals are taking up travel as a hobby.
The revised sentence corrects the form of the gerund to match the context.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedWhen they visit a foreign country, they often find it quite difficult to interact with the local inhabitants.
The revised sentence corrects the term 'alien' to 'foreign' to avoid confusion, and adjusts the verb form and article usage for accuracy.
To begin with, learning process may take too much time, postponing the spreading of new language. To master a completely novel skill, humans need to practice it daily for multiple years. Some even may not possess talents to fully comprehend the new language, particularly adults. They not only have a busy schedule, but also their brain passed the most optimal age for grasping a new language. All of these make learning difficult and unwanted. Moreover, having a new language that spoken universally may lead some small nations to abandon their own language, subsequently forgetting their culture and traditions that are essential part of their own mother tongue.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedDespite the potential invention of a new language offering numerous benefits in various aspects of life, it could also lead to significant inconveniences and disadvantages.
The revision provides a clearer and more concise statement of the contrast being made.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe erosion of traditions and cultural identity may hinder people from acquiring a new language.
The revision provides a more accurate and effective use of the vocabulary to convey the intended meaning.
However these advantages cannot overshadow the downsides it causes.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, the creation of a new international language could offer significant advantages in terms of travel, business, and global understanding.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct conclusion, and sets up the following discussion on the potential downsides more effectively.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAdmittedly, a global consensus on a single language, if achieved, could significantly enhance lives for many people worldwide.
The revised sentence provides a more specific and direct statement of the potential benefit of a global language.
RevisedDespite the potential invention of a new language offering numerous benefits in various aspects of life, it could also lead to significant inconveniences and disadvantages.
The revision provides a clearer and more concise statement of the contrast being made.
RevisedIn conclusion, the creation of a new international language could offer significant advantages in terms of travel, business, and global understanding.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and direct conclusion, and sets up the following discussion on the potential downsides more effectively.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and sentence structure, with few errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures could help to convey the arguments more effectively.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAlthough the invention of a universal language could bring several advantages, these would not outweigh the drawbacks of such a situation.
The revised sentence corrects the verb form to match the singular subject and improves the clarity of the point being made.
RevisedNowadays, many individuals are taking up travel as a hobby.
The revised sentence corrects the form of the gerund to match the context.
RevisedWhen they visit a foreign country, they often find it quite difficult to interact with the local inhabitants.
The revised sentence corrects the term 'alien' to 'foreign' to avoid confusion, and adjusts the verb form and article usage for accuracy.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise vocabulary could help to convey the arguments more effectively.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAs the global population continues to grow, so too does the demand for a single language that can be used for international communication.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the point being made.
RevisedThis global understanding could foster a sense of unity and harmony among nations, regardless of their distinct physical or cultural features.
The revision provides a more accurate and effective use of the vocabulary to convey the intended meaning.
RevisedThe erosion of traditions and cultural identity may hinder people from acquiring a new language.
The revision provides a more accurate and effective use of the vocabulary to convey the intended meaning.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively and provides a well-developed response to the question. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of inventing a new international language. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point or idea.
- Provide more specific examples to support the arguments.
Check your own essay on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 2 checker works.
Check an essay free