A new international language: IELTS Task 2 essay #14, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
295 words. Marked by Axiom on 7 January 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2295 words
Some people think that we should invent a new language for international communication. will the benefits of this outweigh the problems associated with it?
There is a view that some people think that we need to invent a new language for international communication, while others think that there are more drawbacks than benefits, and I personally agree with this idea.
Firstly, people can understand each other better or find like-minded people to communicate and share ideas with. Secondly, it would be neutral. A new language would not belong to any specific country or culture, reducing favoritism and dominance, such as the current global reliance on English.
Lexical resource
RevisedOn the one hand, this form of invention brings about a number of benefits, facilitating global relationships and teamwork.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural collocation of words.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor example, as most people are currently conducting business with foreign countries and using translation to communicate, inventing a new language for international communication could be very useful in reducing misunderstandings.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the overall accuracy and clarity of the sentence.
Along with this, it will be hard to teach the new language, especially in poor nations.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, I believe that the prevention of crime has been improving over the years and is sufficient.
The revised sentence is more coherent and concise, and it clearly states the writer's point of view.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe primary concern is the potential loss of cultural value, as language is a crucial part of any culture.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural collocation of words.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn many countries, the importance of preserving their own language is highly valued, and they may easily ignore the new invention.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the overall accuracy and clarity of the sentence.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSome poor countries may not have the resources or funds to teach or promote it.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the overall accuracy and clarity of the sentence.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while creating a new language for international communication may confer several benefits, I am more drawn to the practical downsides of this approach.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more effective conclusion, stating the writer's overall stance on the issue.
Lexical resource
RevisedRegardless, I am more concerned about the practical downsides of this approach, such as its potential to erode language and cultural values, and the high cost of implementation in poor countries.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural collocation of words.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the overall stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your overall stance.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedOn the other hand, I believe that the prevention of crime has been improving over the years and is sufficient.
The revised sentence is more coherent and concise, and it clearly states the writer's point of view.
RevisedIn conclusion, while creating a new language for international communication may confer several benefits, I am more drawn to the practical downsides of this approach.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more effective conclusion, stating the writer's overall stance on the issue.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are some grammatical errors and inaccuracies in the use of prepositions and articles. The essay uses a variety of complex grammatical structures with some errors. There are a few grammatical inaccuracies and errors in the use of prepositions and articles that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFor example, as most people are currently conducting business with foreign countries and using translation to communicate, inventing a new language for international communication could be very useful in reducing misunderstandings.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the overall accuracy and clarity of the sentence.
RevisedIn many countries, the importance of preserving their own language is highly valued, and they may easily ignore the new invention.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the overall accuracy and clarity of the sentence.
RevisedSome poor countries may not have the resources or funds to teach or promote it.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and improves the overall accuracy and clarity of the sentence.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the one hand, this form of invention brings about a number of benefits, facilitating global relationships and teamwork.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural collocation of words.
RevisedThe primary concern is the potential loss of cultural value, as language is a crucial part of any culture.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural collocation of words.
RevisedRegardless, I am more concerned about the practical downsides of this approach, such as its potential to erode language and cultural values, and the high cost of implementation in poor countries.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural collocation of words.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the task, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be further developed to provide a more thorough and nuanced analysis of the issue.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your argument and provide a thorough analysis of the issue.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced and comprehensive analysis of the issue.
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