A new international language: IELTS Task 2 essay #20, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
238 words. Marked by Axiom on 8 February 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2238 words
#task2 #exam28.12.24 Some people think that we should invent a new language for international communication. Will the benefits of this outweigh the problems associated with it?
Many are of the view that we ought to invent
a new language for the international communication. While there are some favourable impacts,it is my firm belief that drawbacks of it can easily outnumber its upsides.
Firstly, creating a new language leads to cultural loss because the language is basic key of a culture and government documents have written their language. Besides, If the language changes other language ,they can lose their their history because they are unable to read historical books ,because of these books wrote other language. As a result, they might have not their history.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedCreating a new language, on the one hand, presents several potential drawbacks.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the point being made.
Lexical resource
RevisedTherefore, individuals may be forced to learn a new language, which can be a challenging situation for them.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural collocation.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis could be significantly detrimental to future generations.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural collocation.
First of all, this can boost tourism. This ease travelling to other nations.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, the potential benefits of inventing a new language also deserve consideration.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct contrast to the previous point.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis would eliminate language-related problems for people traveling to other countries.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFurthermore, a new language could facilitate trade as it would allow people to bring a variety of goods from other countries that they want to purchase.
The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while creating a new language may have benefits such as facilitating travel and trade, I believe that the potential drawbacks may outweigh these advantages.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear, and it avoids repetition.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some issues with the flow of ideas and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your points in each paragraph.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedCreating a new language, on the one hand, presents several potential drawbacks.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the point being made.
RevisedOn the other hand, the potential benefits of inventing a new language also deserve consideration.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct contrast to the previous point.
RevisedIn conclusion, while creating a new language may have benefits such as facilitating travel and trade, I believe that the potential drawbacks may outweigh these advantages.
The revised sentence is more concise and clear, and it avoids repetition.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there is some evidence of a range of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors and some sentences are difficult to understand.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedMany people believe that we should invent a new language for international communication.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear.
RevisedThis would eliminate language-related problems for people traveling to other countries.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise.
RevisedFurthermore, a new language could facilitate trade as it would allow people to bring a variety of goods from other countries that they want to purchase.
The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedTherefore, individuals may be forced to learn a new language, which can be a challenging situation for them.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural collocation.
RevisedIf a new language is introduced, they may lose their history due to the challenges of adapting to the new language.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural collocation.
RevisedThis could be significantly detrimental to future generations.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and natural collocation.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point.
Check your own essay on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 2 checker works.
Check an essay free