A new international language: IELTS Task 2 essay #3, band 6.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
298 words. Marked by Axiom on 28 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2298 words
DECEMBESome people think that we should invent a new language for international communication. Will the benefits of this outweigh the problems associated with it?
In today’s world, some people argue that a new language should be introduced in all countries around the world in order to make an opportunity for people to use it international communication. While there are some disadvantages, it is outweighed by some advantages.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn this essay, I will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of this proposal, and provide reasons to support my points.
The revision provides a clearer and more formal expression of the writer's intent.
First of all, there will be no need for learning a lot of languages if one language is created. For example, I am going to France next week, unfortunately, I am not excel at French language. I can not explain what I am saying. By introducing the language for everyone, i can manage it easily.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedWith the help of this language, people will be able to travel more easily and communicate their needs more effectively.
The revision provides a more clear and concise expression of the point.
For instance, if someone wants to travel abroad, he or she has to learn the language of that country. If the language for all countries is introduced, it will be better for people to understand each other easily.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother advantage of introducing a universal language is that it would facilitate easier communication between people of different linguistic backgrounds.
The revision provides a more smooth and direct statement of the point.
On the other hand, not everyone can learn the language which is intended for everyone. It may require much energy and ability to carry out. They might not be able to learn something a bit difficult.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedSome older people may have difficulty in learning a new language.
The revision provides a more accurate and natural phrasing.
In general, it will be better, if this language is created.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while the introduction of a universal language could have significant advantages, such as reducing the demand for multiple language skills and facilitating international communication, it could also pose challenges for older individuals who may struggle to adapt to a new language.
The revision provides a more coherent and concise conclusion, summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's position.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn this essay, I will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of this proposal, and provide reasons to support my points.
The revision provides a clearer and more formal expression of the writer's intent.
RevisedAnother advantage of introducing a universal language is that it would facilitate easier communication between people of different linguistic backgrounds.
The revision provides a more smooth and direct statement of the point.
RevisedIn conclusion, while the introduction of a universal language could have significant advantages, such as reducing the demand for multiple language skills and facilitating international communication, it could also pose challenges for older individuals who may struggle to adapt to a new language.
The revision provides a more coherent and concise conclusion, summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer's position.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is a good range of structures, but there are some grammatical errors and inaccuracies. The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. These include issues with punctuation, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. For example, "i can manage it easily" should be "I can manage it easily," and "it may seem intricated for elder people" should be "it may seem intricate for elderly people." Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn today's world, some people argue that a new language should be introduced globally to facilitate international communication.
The revision corrects the awkward and unclear phrasing of the original sentence.
RevisedWith the help of this language, people will be able to travel more easily and communicate their needs more effectively.
The revision provides a more clear and concise expression of the point.
RevisedSome older people may have difficulty in learning a new language.
The revision provides a more accurate and natural phrasing.
Lexical resource
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a reasonable range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of a flexible use of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and the word choice could be more precise. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, "inventing the one language for everyone" could be more concisely phrased as "introducing a universal language," and "it may seem intricated for elder people" should be "it may seem intricate for older people." Improving word choice and using more precise language will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedAnother advantage of introducing a universal language is that people would be able to understand each other more easily.
The revision provides a more accurate and natural phrasing of the point.
RevisedIn conclusion, while the introduction of a universal language could have significant advantages, such as reducing the demand for multilingualism and facilitating international communication, it could also pose challenges for older individuals who may struggle to adapt to a new language.
The revision provides a more accurate and natural phrasing of the point.
RevisedIn this essay, I will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of this proposal, and provide reasons to support my points.
The revision provides a more natural and appropriate phrasing.
Task response
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response, but the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the introduction of a new language for international communication, weighing both the benefits and drawbacks. However, the argument is not fully developed, and the essay would benefit from a more detailed exploration of the potential impacts of such a language on global communication and integration. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by providing a more definitive stance on the issue. More specific examples and a deeper analysis of the implications of introducing a new universal language would enhance the response.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Develop your ideas more fully to provide a more comprehensive response to the task.
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