A new international language: IELTS Task 2 essay #9, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
268 words. Marked by Axiom on 1 January 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2268 words
Some people think that we should invent a new language for international communication. Will the benefits of this outweigh the problems associated with it?
Nowadays, English is widely being spoken around the world and considered as an international language. There are some who think that new language should be created to replace it.
Lexical resource
RevisedConsidering that there may be some advantages to a new international language, the disadvantages may far outweigh the benefits.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear in its phrasing.
As a result, this will suppress the language barrier. Secondly, new language can provide people with job opportunities. For instance, in order to learn particular language, person needs tutor. So, after learning this new language, one can teach it in other places.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedSupporters of this view can argue several benefits to justify their positions.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition and more direct statement of the supporters' position.
Lexical resource
RevisedFirstly, inventors could create a language that is easier to learn than English by incorporating similar words from various languages around the world, allowing people to learn the language more quickly.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear in its phrasing.
First of all, everyone got used to English and it would be very difficult to learn new language for international interactions.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, the replacement also has some significant drawbacks to consider.
The revised sentence provides a clearer contrast to the previous point and sets up the following discussion.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThis is because it can take a while to master another language, whereas one can continue working in the same language productively.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the point being made.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedMoreover, it will not only affect international companies, but also the relationships between countries, especially the U.S.A and the U.K.
The revised sentence corrects the word order and adds the necessary article for clarity.
Lexical resource
RevisedIt is evident that if other countries were to dismiss English, those English-speaking states would adapt accordingly.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear in its phrasing.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedEven in the worst case, this disagreement could potentially lead to a third world war.
The revised sentence corrects the phrasing and capitalization, making it more natural and clear.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, while the creation of a new international language may have some benefits, the drawbacks of such a change seem to outweigh the advantages.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise conclusion, and the phrasing is more formal and appropriate for an IELTS essay.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedSupporters of this view can argue several benefits to justify their positions.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition and more direct statement of the supporters' position.
RevisedOn the other hand, the replacement also has some significant drawbacks to consider.
The revised sentence provides a clearer contrast to the previous point and sets up the following discussion.
RevisedIn conclusion, while the creation of a new international language may have some benefits, the drawbacks of such a change seem to outweigh the advantages.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more concise conclusion, and the phrasing is more formal and appropriate for an IELTS essay.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. These include issues with punctuation, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. For example, "Because, it can take a while to master other language while one can continue his or her work with the same language productively" should be revised for clarity and grammatical accuracy. Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis is because it can take a while to master another language, whereas one can continue working in the same language productively.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and improves the clarity of the point being made.
RevisedMoreover, it will not only affect international companies, but also the relationships between countries, especially the U.S.A and the U.K.
The revised sentence corrects the word order and adds the necessary article for clarity.
RevisedEven in the worst case, this disagreement could potentially lead to a third world war.
The revised sentence corrects the phrasing and capitalization, making it more natural and clear.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of vocabulary and there is some evidence of a range of complex structures. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, "Inventors can create much easier language compared to English by adding alike words from the all languages around the globe" could be rephrased as "A new language could be created that is easier to learn than English by incorporating similar words from various languages around the world." Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedConsidering that there may be some advantages to a new international language, the disadvantages may far outweigh the benefits.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear in its phrasing.
RevisedFirstly, inventors could create a language that is easier to learn than English by incorporating similar words from various languages around the world, allowing people to learn the language more quickly.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear in its phrasing.
RevisedIt is evident that if other countries were to dismiss English, those English-speaking states would adapt accordingly.
The revised sentence is more natural and clear in its phrasing.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the potential benefits and drawbacks of inventing a new international language. The writer takes a clear stance, arguing that the disadvantages of creating a new language outweigh the benefits. The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that discuss the benefits and drawbacks, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. The writer presents a well-structured argument, but the essay would benefit from more detailed examples and a deeper analysis of the potential implications of a new international language.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your position.
Check your own essay on this question
Write your answer and Axiom marks it the same way: a band for each criterion, and revisions for your own sentences. How the Task 2 checker works.
Check an essay free