A new international language: IELTS Task 2 essay #8, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
344 words. Marked by Axiom on 31 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2344 words
Some people think that we should invent a new language for international communication. Will the benefits of this outweigh the problems associated with it?
Today's developing world knowing other languages is crucial in order to communicate with foreigners. Some say if the world has one new international language, people can contact easier and far more beneficial across the world.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedWhile there are benefits to this idea, I believe it is not easy to invent a new language, which could also cause several problems.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and awkward phrasing in the original sentence.
The advantage of a new language is more accessible for people to interact with each other wherever they are. In other words, they do not need to learn different languages to communicate with the variety of nations for some reasons like business contracts, exports or imports and so for. They can touch with their business associates which may cause to improve relationships because of a new language and develop their business. As a result, people and business people will be have access to spread their business across the world.
One of them is losing interest in learning a new language due to the invention of a new international language, which can also contribute to the loss of new knowledge. To take this example the English language is well-known for its widespread knowledge. We all know the role of the English language is very much for us. If people introduce a new language to the world, they may face several issues like translating all information and knowledge into the new international language which is time-consuming work and also requires much investment. Additionally, it can lead to disagreement with county to country. Therefore, we should focus on learning other languages more effectively.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedWhile the advantage of a new language may seem significant, the potential problems, such as the loss of other languages and the decreased use of dominant languages like English and Russian, could potentially cause conflicts among countries.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and it provides a better transition to the following points in the paragraph.
Lexical resource
RevisedIt is often said, 'you can provide a uniform idea to people'
The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.
In conclusion, while the benefits of creating a new international language like easy contact and contract, the challenges which can face such as loss of some languages and interests in learning them outweigh the benefits.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, but the body paragraphs could be more detailed and focused. Transitions between ideas and sentences are generally well-handled, but there are a few instances where they could be improved. The overall structure of the essay is good, but the organization of the body paragraphs could be more logical and effective.
Suggestions
- Consider using more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Make sure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe advantage of a new language is that it would make it more accessible for people to interact with each other, regardless of their location.
The revised sentence provides a clearer and more direct statement of the main idea.
RevisedWhile the advantage of a new language may seem significant, the potential problems, such as the loss of other languages and the decreased use of dominant languages like English and Russian, could potentially cause conflicts among countries.
The revised sentence is more clear and concise, and it provides a better transition to the following points in the paragraph.
RevisedTherefore, it may be more beneficial to focus on learning other languages more effectively, rather than inventing a new international language.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear statement of the main idea.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of complex structures, but there are some errors and awkward sentences. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the grammatical range is quite good. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward sentences that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Overall, the grammatical range and accuracy are good, but there is room for improvement in terms of correcting errors and improving the overall quality of the writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIn today's developing world, it is crucial to know other languages in order to communicate with foreigners.
The revised sentence corrects the awkward phrasing and grammatical errors in the original sentence.
RevisedWhile there are benefits to this idea, I believe it is not easy to invent a new language, which could also cause several problems.
The revised sentence corrects the grammatical errors and awkward phrasing in the original sentence.
RevisedIt is often said, 'you can provide a uniform idea to people'
The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a variety of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Overall, the lexical resource is strong, but there is room for improvement in terms of accuracy and appropriateness of language.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe advantage of a new language is that it would make it more accessible for people to interact with each other, regardless of their location.
The phrase 'wherever they are' is more idiomatic and provides a better fit in this context.
RevisedThey can connect with their business associates, which may help to improve relationships due to a common language, and develop their business.
The word 'touch' is not typically used in this context, and the phrase 'because of a new language' is a bit awkward. The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.
RevisedIt is often said, 'you can provide a uniform idea to people'
The original sentence is awkward and unclear. The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear expression of the idea.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, and the body paragraphs are well-organized and focused. The essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and by ensuring that all points are fully developed and supported. Additionally, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed exploration of the potential problems associated with the invention of a new international language.
Suggestions
- Consider providing more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that all points are fully developed and supported with relevant examples.
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