A new international language: IELTS Task 2 essay #7, band 8.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
347 words. Marked by Axiom on 30 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2347 words
Some people think that we should invent a new language for international communication. Will the benefits of this outweigh the problems associated with it?
In an increasingly interconnected world, the proposition of creating a universal language to facilitate international communication has garnered significant attention. While such an invention could enhance global understanding and cooperation, I firmly believe that the drawbacks far outweigh its advantages.
For instance, shared linguistic fluency might enable individuals to better appreciate the nuances of foreign traditions, values, and perspectives, thereby cultivating mutual respect and cultural harmony. Moreover, at a time when misunderstandings often fuel conflicts rooted in religious, ethnic, or cultural differences, a common language could serve as a unifying tool to promote empathy and global cohesion, ultimately paving the way for a more peaceful and inclusive international community.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAdvocates for a universal language highlight its potential to dismantle linguistic barriers and foster seamless communication between individuals from diverse cultural and national backgrounds.
The revision provides a more effective use of the linking word 'and' to connect the ideas more closely.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis could, in turn, strengthen cross-border relationships, foster collaborative ventures, and deepen cultural exchange.
The revision provides a more varied and precise use of vocabulary.
Despite these optimistic prospects, the implementation of a universal language presents insurmountable challenges. This would likely exacerbate existing socioeconomic inequalities, creating a linguistic divide where marginalized groups face greater disadvantages. Such a scenario could stifle the rich tapestry of human heritage that languages inherently preserve.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe introduction of an entirely new linguistic system would require immense time and effort, particularly for those who are already grappling with limited access to education and resources.
The revision provides a more accurate and clear grammatical structure.
Lexical resource
RevisedFurthermore, imposing a universal language might inadvertently erode the significance of native languages and cultural identities, leading to the homogenization of global cultures and a loss of linguistic diversity.
The revision provides a more precise and impactful use of vocabulary.
In addition, the practical feasibility of universal adoption remains questionable. Many individuals struggle to achieve proficiency in existing second languages, often due to resource constraints and competing priorities.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedAdding a constructed global language to this burden would impose an undue pressure, especially in developing regions where the educational infrastructure is already under strain.
The revision provides a more accurate and clear grammatical structure.
Thus, I assert that the disadvantages of this proposition decisively outweigh its potential benefits.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, the creation of a universal language, while theoretically appealing for bridging communication gaps and fostering international unity, presents challenges such as logistical impracticality, cultural erosion, and inequality, which are far more profound.
The revision provides a more concise and direct conclusion, strengthening the cohesion of the essay.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 9.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. You use transition words effectively to guide the reader through your points. For further improvement, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that the ideas are logically connected for better overall coherence.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your arguments are presented in a clear and logical order.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedAdvocates for a universal language highlight its potential to dismantle linguistic barriers and foster seamless communication between individuals from diverse cultural and national backgrounds.
The revision provides a more effective use of the linking word 'and' to connect the ideas more closely.
RevisedIn conclusion, the creation of a universal language, while theoretically appealing for bridging communication gaps and fostering international unity, presents challenges such as logistical impracticality, cultural erosion, and inequality, which are far more profound.
The revision provides a more concise and direct conclusion, strengthening the cohesion of the essay.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. The majority of sentences are error-free. Your essay showcases a good range of grammatical structures, and the majority of sentences are grammatically correct. To further improve, pay attention to sentence variety and ensure that complex sentences are clear and accurate.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThe introduction of an entirely new linguistic system would require immense time and effort, particularly for those who are already grappling with limited access to education and resources.
The revision provides a more accurate and clear grammatical structure.
RevisedAdding a constructed global language to this burden would impose an undue pressure, especially in developing regions where the educational infrastructure is already under strain.
The revision provides a more accurate and clear grammatical structure.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. You demonstrate a strong command of vocabulary, particularly terms related to the topic. To further enhance your lexical resource, consider using a greater variety of synonyms and more precise language to express your ideas more clearly.
Sentence revisions 2
RevisedThis could, in turn, strengthen cross-border relationships, foster collaborative ventures, and deepen cultural exchange.
The revision provides a more varied and precise use of vocabulary.
RevisedFurthermore, imposing a universal language might inadvertently erode the significance of native languages and cultural identities, leading to the homogenization of global cultures and a loss of linguistic diversity.
The revision provides a more precise and impactful use of vocabulary.
Task response
Band 9.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The essay provides relevant, extended and supported ideas. You have addressed the task effectively by presenting a clear position throughout the essay. Your introduction and conclusion are concise and directly related to the topic. You have also provided relevant and extended ideas that are well-supported. To further enhance your task response, consider providing a more detailed exploration of potential counterarguments.
Suggestions
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced view.
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