A new international language: IELTS Task 2 essay #13, band 6.5
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
279 words. Marked by Axiom on 6 January 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2279 words
Some people think that we should invent a new language for international communication.Will benefits of this outweigh the problems associated with it?
A considerable proportion of population say that we have to create one global tongue for communicating easily with people around the world. However, in contemporary world, there are numerous languages on the brink of extinction,and when we innovate the international language, this issue surpasses others,and even it may be the pressing issue.
Lexical resource
RevisedFrom my perspective, the advantages cannot outweigh the disadvantages.
The revised sentence corrects the misuse of the word 'superior' and provides a more accurate expression of the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedInventing a new language could potentially solve communication problems.
The original sentence was a bit confusing and negative. The revision provides a more direct and clear statement of the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother significant factor to consider is the challenge that elderly people may face in learning a new language.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise explanation of the point being made.
but this attempt has the only one benefit for the human beings simplifying socializing with people living other parts of the world, and with the assistance of it we can improve social bonds. From my point of view, it is pointless try. For example, according to Forbes,there are people trying to invent even they achieve yet it is unsuccessful.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn the modern world, some individuals' efforts to invent a new global dialect are causing further problems,
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea.
Initially, there is a rapid growth of languages endangered, and most of them have already been died out by globalizing numerous tongues, and this effort can lead to loss of many cultures of the nations also. Furthermore, the individuals living below the poverty line do not have access to learn the recently published language. Apart from that, the senior citizens' brains are not able to receive a new dialect.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIn today's world, people are attempting to create a new vernacular, but the drawbacks may outweigh the benefits.
The revised sentence corrects the verb form and provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, the idea of a new language emerging for international communication is widely supported.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise conclusion, better summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThe benefits of doing so may not outweigh the drawbacks.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the progression of ideas a bit difficult to follow. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the overall stance on the issue.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedInventing a new language could potentially solve communication problems.
The original sentence was a bit confusing and negative. The revision provides a more direct and clear statement of the idea.
RevisedAnother significant factor to consider is the challenge that elderly people may face in learning a new language.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise explanation of the point being made.
RevisedIn conclusion, the idea of a new language emerging for international communication is widely supported.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise conclusion, better summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 6.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and a variety of grammatical structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that can be distracting. The essay demonstrates a good control of a wide range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structure that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedA considerable proportion of the population believes that we should create a global tongue for easier communication with people around the world.
The revised sentence corrects the subject-verb agreement error and provides a more natural sounding expression of the idea.
RevisedIn today's world, people are attempting to create a new vernacular, but the drawbacks may outweigh the benefits.
The revised sentence corrects the verb form and provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea.
RevisedThe benefits of doing so may not outweigh the drawbacks.
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedFrom my perspective, the advantages cannot outweigh the disadvantages.
The revised sentence corrects the misuse of the word 'superior' and provides a more accurate expression of the idea.
RevisedIn the modern world, some individuals' efforts to invent a new global dialect are causing further problems,
The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise expression of the idea.
RevisedAdditionally, senior citizens may find it challenging to adapt to a new dialect.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and respectful expression of the idea.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly restating the overall stance on the issue.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your argument and support it with specific examples.
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