A new international language: IELTS Task 2 essay #4, band 8.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
314 words. Marked by Axiom on 28 December 2024. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2314 words
Some people think that we should invent a new language for international communication. Will the benefits of this outweigh the problems associated with it?
Language barriers hinder interaction and slacken the pace of innovations. Therefore, some argue that to facilitate global communication, humanity should invent a new language. Although this may lead to cultural homogenization, which poses a burden on nations, the benefits are far too great to overlook. I believe that a language everyone knows may pave the way for revolutionary advancements.
Linguistic hegemony is likely to lead to a plethora of issues, one of them being cultural homogenization. For example, hundreds of languages are eroding every year, which often results in an identity crisis and imposition.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the one hand, it is crucial to consider the demerits of this suggestion.
The revised sentence is more direct and clear.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedIf countries were to adopt a single language for cross-cultural communication, this might accelerate the loss of cultures and traditions.
The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.
Lexical resource
RevisedThe loss of their linguistic identities could lead to people residing in disorganized social settings, negatively affecting their daily lives.
The revised sentence is more clear and natural.
Global accessibility and the loss of language barriers are guaranteed. In turn, this would make Earth a better place and avert problems we face daily. However, since English, albeit being ubiquitous, is still not accessible to everyone, there is a need for a universal language.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOn the other hand, the creation of a shared language could also bring significant benefits.
The revised sentence is more concise and easier to understand.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedWithout the constraints of language, humanity could make significant strides and foster groundbreaking inventions in a variety of fields, such as artificial intelligence and space exploration.
The revised sentence is more clear and natural.
Lexical resource
RevisedAI, a recent innovation, is a prime example and is considered a key ally in achieving great feats.
The revised sentence is more concise and natural.
Lexical resource
RevisedIn medicine, robots, thanks to the prevalence of English, are assisting in curing chronic and terminal diseases.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Because strides in different spheres make our lives better, as seen in medicine, the merits are essential to consider.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedIn conclusion, after considering both sides of this case, I am convinced that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Ensure that your examples are directly relevant to the point you are making.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOn the one hand, it is crucial to consider the demerits of this suggestion.
The revised sentence is more direct and clear.
RevisedOn the other hand, the creation of a shared language could also bring significant benefits.
The revised sentence is more concise and easier to understand.
RevisedIn conclusion, after considering both sides of this case, I am convinced that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
The revised sentence is more formal and precise.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay shows a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be rephrased for clarity.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedIf countries were to adopt a single language for cross-cultural communication, this might accelerate the loss of cultures and traditions.
The revised sentence is more clear and grammatically accurate.
RevisedWithout the constraints of language, humanity could make significant strides and foster groundbreaking inventions in a variety of fields, such as artificial intelligence and space exploration.
The revised sentence is more clear and natural.
RevisedIn conclusion, after considering both sides of this case, it is evident that the benefits
The revised sentence is more precise and natural.
Lexical resource
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThe loss of their linguistic identities could lead to people residing in disorganized social settings, negatively affecting their daily lives.
The revised sentence is more clear and natural.
RevisedAI, a recent innovation, is a prime example and is considered a key ally in achieving great feats.
The revised sentence is more concise and natural.
RevisedIn medicine, robots, thanks to the prevalence of English, are assisting in curing chronic and terminal diseases.
The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.
Task response
Band 8.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be improved to better introduce the topic and the writer's position.
Suggestions
- Consider rephrasing the introduction to make the topic and your position more clear.
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