Changing eating habits: IELTS Task 2 essay #8, band 7.0
A student’s answer to this repeated IELTS question, shared without their name and marked by Axiom on the four criteria. Select a highlighted passage to see how it could be revised, and why.
303 words. Marked by Axiom on 4 May 2025. Estimated by AI. It isn’t an official IELTS score.
Task 2303 words
Nowadays eating haits of people aroud the world are chaging causing them many health problem including obesity .Why do people tend to eat so badly ?what can be done to improve their eating habits?
These days, the majority of the population are used to overeating in their daily lives, which causes them many health issues such as obesity. In order to mitigate this problem, individuals only need to take several actions.
Lexical resource
RevisedThis can be attributed to a lack of self-discipline and hectic lifestyles.
The revised sentence provides a more precise word choice.
As a result, these meals contain many calories, which cause a lot of health-related problems such as hypertension from consuming too much salt.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedOne significant cause of this phenomenon is the pursuit of multiple careers.
The revised sentence provides a clearer explanation of the factor being discussed.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedMost employees work both part-time and full-time, which often makes them too busy to go home and prepare homemade food.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear expression.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedFor instance, if they continue to work full-time without any breaks, they should avoid consuming fast-preparing food such as junk food.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear expression.
For instance, some people become extremely gluttonous, which causes them to lose control, and as a result, their stomachs demand more and more food. However, someday they are facing obesity, which causes them to feel bad, and there will come a feeling of guilt for not stopping eating sooner, but then it will be too late.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedAnother major factor is the inability to control their appetites.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear explanation of the factor being discussed.
Grammar & accuracy
RevisedThey cannot distinguish between when they are hungry and when they are well-fed.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression.
They must take serious action regarding their food. Firstly, workers should prepare their lunches earlier, before going to work. Secondly, at no time should individuals eat unhealthy food, they must take control of their diets and start a healthy lifestyle, such as consuming more vegetables, and engaging in sports, because the key to staying fit and strong is to exercise more.
Coherence & cohesion
RevisedHowever, there is a viable solution that can be implemented.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the discussion of the solution.
In conclusion, obesity and overeating are becoming increasingly prominent around the world. In my opinion, if people are careful with their food, they may stay healthy and slim.
Select a highlighted passage to see its suggested revision.
What Axiom wrote for each criterion: why the answer earned its band, and what to work on next.
Coherence & cohesion
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedOne significant cause of this phenomenon is the pursuit of multiple careers.
The revised sentence provides a clearer explanation of the factor being discussed.
RevisedAnother major factor is the inability to control their appetites.
The revised sentence provides a more direct and clear explanation of the factor being discussed.
RevisedHowever, there is a viable solution that can be implemented.
The revised sentence provides a smoother transition to the discussion of the solution.
Grammar & accuracy
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures effectively, with a good range of simple and complex sentences. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedMost employees work both part-time and full-time, which often makes them too busy to go home and prepare homemade food.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear expression.
RevisedFor instance, if they continue to work full-time without any breaks, they should avoid consuming fast-preparing food such as junk food.
The revised sentence provides a more natural and clear expression.
RevisedThey cannot distinguish between when they are hungry and when they are well-fed.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression.
Lexical resource
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Sentence revisions 3
RevisedThis can be attributed to a lack of self-discipline and hectic lifestyles.
The revised sentence provides a more precise word choice.
Revisedthey must take serious action to address their eating habits.
The revised sentence provides a more specific and clear expression.
Revisedthey will experience guilt for not having stopped eating sooner.
The revised sentence provides a more accurate and clear expression.
Task response
Band 7.0/ 9
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The essay could be further improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the arguments. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive in summarizing the main points and reinforcing the position taken in the essay.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point.
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