Changing eating habits: IELTS Task 2 essay #12, band 6.0

Over the years people’s eating habits have changed rapidly, which nowadays is causing some crucial issues including health problems, such as obesity and stress. The reason for this development is lack of education about food consumption and high prices which make it hard for the population to afford enough healthy foods. To ensure these issues, people should collaborate with the government and introduce health education and lower prices.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedTo address these issues, it is important for individuals to work with the government to implement health education programs and reduce food prices.

   The revised sentence provides a more clear and concise explanation of the proposed solutions.

One major reason for this situation is little or no health education at schools and universities. School curricula normally don’t include information about health issues and awareness, and due to the lack of knowledge about well-being people normally consume unhealthy dishes. For example, school students, especially teenagers, eat fast food and soda on a daily basis due to the lack of time. Another crucial reason is price: day by day the costs of junk food are rising equally with vegetable and fruit costs, and for people who get an average salary it might be difficult to buy healthy food.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedA primary factor contributing to this situation is the lack of health education in schools and universities.

   This revision provides a more formal and academic tone.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedTypically, school curricula do not include information about health issues, and due to a lack of knowledge about well-being, people often consume unhealthy dishes.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity of the message.

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   RevisedFor instance, school students, particularly teenagers, often resort to fast food and soda consumption due to time constraints.

   The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.

These problems can be solved by introducing new courses related to health issues and lowering food prices. Courses like this can inform school children about food’s effect on health and this can help explain to them why people should have a healthy diet. Additionally, the government should lower the prices of healthy food. For instance, nowadays in ordinary restaurants fast food, burgers or soda are cheaper than a healthy salad or traditional food. In this case the country should introduce medium and affordable prices which average citizens can use to have access to all kinds of ingredients that can organize a healthy diet.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedPotential solutions to these problems include introducing health-related courses in educational institutions and adjusting food prices.

   The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone.

2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedFor instance, in today's ordinary restaurants, fast food, burgers, or soda are often cheaper than a healthy salad or traditional food.

   The revised sentence corrects the awkward construction and improves the clarity of the message.

3. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis could be addressed by the government introducing moderate and affordable prices, enabling the average citizen to access a variety of ingredients necessary for a healthy diet.

   The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone and clearly conveys the intended meaning.

To sum up, as a result of lack of knowledge about the food people are eating and unaffordable prices, it has already become popular among people to have an unhealthy diet, and these problems can be solved with the help of greater food education and cheaper prices.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, the prevalence of unhealthy diets can be attributed to a lack of food education and unaffordable prices. However, implementing more comprehensive food education programs and making healthy food more affordable could provide a viable solution.

   The revised sentence provides a more formal and academic tone and clearly summarizes the main points of the essay.