Changing eating habits: IELTS Task 2 essay #15, band 6.5

Today, eating habits of individuals are altered around the world, resulting them the number of health issues including being overweighting. This can be attributed to busy lifestyle and fast food is cheap and easily available, however, this situation can be changed for the better by increasing costs of fast food and providing healthy food at work places.

1. Lexical resource

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   Revisedresulting in numerous health issues, including obesity

   The revised sentence is more accurate in terms of word choice and collocation.

One of the reasons is people have busy lifestyles. In fact, a lot of people do not have enough time at work to cook, as a result they forced to order fast food. Also, people believe that ordering food is more cheaper and time saving rather than spending time at work is to cook. For instance, many workers and students have busy lifestyle and they finish their work and studies late and also too tired to prepare healthy food. As a result, they often order fast food, such as burger or chicken, and without realizing that they are becoming overweight.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedOne reason for this is that people have busy lifestyles.

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2. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedIn fact, many people do not have enough time to cook at work and as a result, they are forced to order fast food.

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3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedAdditionally, people believe that ordering food is cheaper and more time-saving than cooking at work.

   The revised sentence is grammatically accurate and more concise.

There are various ways by which this problem can be mitigated, such as increasing the costs of fast food and providing healthy food at their work places. Firstly, raising the costs of fast food can encourage people to eat healthy food and maintain healthy diet. This can lead to fewer health problems and reduce the number of people who are suffering from obesity. In addition, the best way for decreasing the number of health problems is providing healthy meals for employees at their workplace. For example, encouraging workplaces to provide healthy food can not only reduce the number of health issues but also can reduce the numbers of unemployed people.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedSeveral strategies could be implemented to address this issue, such as raising the prices of fast food or introducing healthy food options in the workplace.

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2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedAdditionally, one effective way to reduce health issues is to provide healthy meals for employees at their workplaces.

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3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedFor example, encouraging workplaces to provide healthy food can not only reduce health issues but also decrease the number of unemployed people.

   The revised sentence is more concise and uses the verb 'decrease' which is more accurate in this context.

In conclusion, the main reasons behind this are a busy lifestyle and the costs of fast food are cheap and easily accessible, whereas this situation can be tackled through increasing the costs of fast food and providing healthy meals at workplaces.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, the primary reasons for this issue are the prevalence of a busy lifestyle and the low cost and easy accessibility of fast food. However, this situation can be addressed by raising the prices of fast food and promoting the availability of healthy meals in the workplace.

   The revised sentence provides a clearer and more formal conclusion.