Changing eating habits: IELTS Task 2 essay #11, band 6.0

Globally, more and more people started to eat unhealthily which leads to issues related to well-being such as obesity. This can be explained by how easy it has become to eat junk food as well as sedentary life people lead. As for the solutions, by encouraging health education and more physical activity can we solve this issue.

1. Lexical resource

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   RevisedThis can be attributed to the ease of access to junk food and the sedentary lifestyles that many people lead.

   The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand.

Consumption of excessive amounts of junk food has been made easier than ever. Fast food companies such as McDonalds, KFC and Burger King have hundreds of chain branches that can be found in every step, tempting people to buy their food. Ironically, even if these food companies offer convenience such as less time spent waiting for food to be ready, still, people overdo by eating such food too much. Eventually, in cases of overconsumption, they gain weight. In addition, sedentary lifestyle, which is the case in modern offices, is also a catalyst. When people spend most of their time sitting and avoiding physical activity, it is undeniable that the weight gaining process is triggered.

1. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedFast food companies such as McDonald's, KFC, and Burger King have numerous chain branches that are easily accessible, often tempting people to purchase their food.

   The revised sentence is more natural and uses the appropriate prepositions.

2. Lexical resource

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   RevisedIronically, despite the convenience these food companies offer, such as shorter wait times for food, people still tend to overconsume these items.

   The revised sentence is more natural and easier to understand, and the awkward phrasing has been corrected.

3. Grammar & accuracy

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   RevisedWhen people spend most of their time sitting and avoiding physical activity, it is undeniable that this leads to weight gain.

   The revised sentence is more natural and the phrasing is more concise and clear.

Turning to possible solutions, raising health awareness appears to be effective in such cases. When programs telling people how badly junk food affects their organisms exist, people might reconsider before eating such foods. For example, the US, a country which suffers because of obesity, integrated an educational program in schools teaching youth that choosing healthy food is important to avoid potential diseases. Next, as obvious it may sound, physical activity hinders weight gaining process. A general consensus amongst dieticians is that, exercises of any sort helps keep an individual in shape.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedAs for potential solutions, raising health awareness seems to be effective in addressing these issues.

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In conclusion, while the causes of obesity and unhealthy eating habits stem from sedentary life and availability of fast food, engaging in physical activity as well as getting health education would solve the issue.

1. Coherence & cohesion

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   RevisedIn conclusion, the prevalence of obesity and unhealthy eating habits, which can be attributed to a sedentary lifestyle and the widespread availability of fast food, can be mitigated by promoting physical activity and health education.

   This revision provides a clearer and more concise summary of the essay's main points.